Letters From The Craig

My mum sent me an e-mail. Basically she has been having some trouble with her neighbours. She has had an injunction put against the lad that lives there but he keeps on causing trouble.

He has been pulled into court.

I have been asked by the judge to attend court to give
evidence against *the kid causing issues* and the noise he was creating last Saturday. His mother and girlfriend deny that it was him. He has been threatened with a custodial sentence for contempt of court. I would rather not go but have
to or he may get off. His mum turned up in court in dirty jeans, pink crocs and a
white vest top without a bra. Lovely picture would put most ment off women
for life.Think of me on Friday.

I have sent back a very ranty e-mail to her, which I have attached for your amusement.

Hello,

To be honest when I think of that horrid woman I can picture the grotesque beast wearing exactly what you have mentioned. This is mostly a comment on her disgusting way of life, but even more sad is that it shows our society in quite a true reflection. She is like most women her age these days.

I got into an argument with a customer the other day (I know.....me!). She was saying that it's the kids of today that have made the world horrible. I disagreed. It's the parents of these kids that have taught the kids to not care and have little to no respect for anyone that have paved the way. These parents would be the kids of.....yup, the customer I was talking to. She didn't like the accusation that it was HER shitty parenting that has led an Evil begets evil path for HER dipshit Grandchild to think it's acceptable to wear a tracksuit all the time and shout and swear at anyone that passes them. But it is a fair comment I feel.

I am more than sure that both you and dad had fairly harsh upbringings, which paved the way for you to understand, respect and appreciate the way things are in the world. It helped you both get a better grasp on what was acceptable for children, namely your children. This is then what you pass on to your kids and they understand things like "If you go to a job interview/formal function or, oh I don't know, COURT then you WEAR A FUCKING SUIT! It kind of makes sense that only someone as (dare I be as un-pc as to say it?) retarded (Yes apparently I do) as that woman would think going into court wearing the equvilant of a sack of shit would be a good idea and would get the jury/judge on her side. And not just make them think "I know this sort of scumbag, they live on my street as well. I hate them. I mean HATE like they create bile in my throat when I see them. Like I wanna give them infected blankets in the hope that they don't wake up in the morning and I would be happy with the fact that *I* did that to them."

I am aware that I am becoming quite ranty on this topic, and I am OK with this. These people have caused and will continue to cause hassle and problems for you no matter what you do. If you go to court, then yes they shall want vengeance on you for what you have done. If you don't, then they will carry on being the ignorant white trash that they have always been and will cause problems without realising it. The sad thing is, I mean the really sad thing is, that they will never see that THEY are in the wrong at any turn. They fall into the same sack as the people that shoot animals with pellet guns "for fun". Or beat children. Or beat women. They don't see the line of right and wrong. They never consider that what they are doing could be causing harm/discomfort or pain for anyone at all. It bothers me greatly that people like this exist. I am aware I can't change the world, but if I had the chance to make one of them listen, and I mean listen to what they do to others then I would leap at it.

You must remember of course that you are only delivering one side of what has been happening, and it is up to the jury/judge to decide what is going to happen....if anything. Yes, once again that fuckwit family will think that it is the evil neighbours, and couldn't possibly be their angel of a son. I mean he only got kicked out of every school. He stopped even trying to get into a school after the age of, what 12? and has spent the past 6 years........SIX YEARS wandering around the streets causing trouble and being moronic. He lacks the intelligence and empathy to ever comprehend his actions, but this does not excuse them.

The other day outside my club I had three youths of various ages (14+) smoking. You are most likely thinking, that's silly. They then waited, loittering and when everyone had come back inside they picked all of the ciggerette ends up off the florr, and out of the in. I couldn't help but think "I would murder Jecka if she did that". But then I thought "Jecka would never do that" why? Because she fears me kicking her arse? Possibly, but mostly because she can see the line.



I can see why you wouldn't want to do the whole court thing, and I have no issue with you not wanting to do it. You, off course, know that it is the right thing to do and that you should do it. If not for you, but for the person in the future that he realy harms. But I am not going to try and twist your arm.



I'm not sure if I have ever said this to you, but you should know that you have raised three people in this world that know right from wrong. This may not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but in this world trust me, it's a massive accomplishment.



If nothing else I'll come round and smash the little cunts face in if you want.

Peace Out



Craigy

Comments for the box

Citizen Kane


"Meh, 'salright"

Rough with the smooth

It is a known fact that when things go well that something has to be crappy along with it.

If nothing else this helps you appreciate the good when it comes along, and makes you stop whinning like buggery when things go bad.

I am now the proud owner of a car. I love my car. I really mean that. It makes me happy to drive it. However there are things about the car that I don't like. The fact that it has a CD player for one. Not a good CD player that can handle MP3's, oh no. Just plain old CD's. So I have to carry around loads of CD's just to stop me from going crazy. My Ipod is just gathering dust on the shelf because there isn't even a port for me to put it in to my stereo.

So, yes I am going to get a new stereo so that I can start using my Ipod again.

The other thing that really grinds me about the car. You know the shade visors you have for the driver and front passenger? And how the passenger always has a mirror? Well the drivers got one as well in my car. You may think that there is nothing wrong with that. For the most part you would be right. Until there is some sun and you turn the visor down to sheild your eyes. Now because of the angle of the shade visor you now (thanks to the mirror) have a great view....of your crotch. That is not something I need to have right in my line of sight. I really don't know who thought that was a good idea, or if they didn't do enough testing on the old crotch mirror but someone is accountable for that view.


Not major things I know. But things I would like to change, to make my life a lot happier.

Quotes For The Box

When a film is released on DVD one of its main selling points are the quotes on the case.

This is the first of, hopefully, many quotes I will give you that should have appeared on the case to help you decide to buy or not to buy.

The Elephant Man (1980)

"A David Lynch film that WON'T make you want to rip out your brain, stuff it into a blender and then set fire to yourself."

Lay-Z

If I could be bothered I would fill this thing in every day and explain about what is happening in my world. You might find that interesting and informative. It could be as big as Big Brother.

But this is the real world. And Big Brother sucks.

And I'm lazy.

Well maybe not lazy so much as very busy.

Let's get back up to speed interwebs.

In September I was moved from my normal place of work just a mere 20mins walk from where I live and moved to work 44 miles away. I spent the first couple of weeks catching the train. This took 2 1/2 hours there and another 2 1/2 hours to come home, making me very tired all the time. I have passed my driving test after those couple of weeks and TAS nicely let me use her car to go to work. Now it only takes an hour to get there, which is a lot better.

Things didn't start off too well at my new place of work. Mostly because the members and the team were mutants. But like all mutants they have mutated and have now come to understand, that I don't act like an arse. I AM an arse!. *insert lol here*.

But seriously I spent the first few months having a bit of an uphill struggle with some people, but now on a whole I like my job.

I also now have my own car. It's called Kevvy.

Xmas was ace and I had a really good time. Tas and Jecka were both very happy with everything they got. We ate, we laughed and we thoroughily enjoyed ourselves.

I am still working about 55-60 hours a week, plus the 10 hours driving on top of that so am normally to tired to write about anything like I used to.

I will aim to write something each week and keep you good folks entertained, but I wouldn't hold out for that one.

My main thing at the minute is that my phone contract is up so I am free to go to another company and get a lovely iPhone. But the thought of leaving and going to another company scares me. What if they don't lke me? What if everyone on my netwrok now stops talking to me and shuns me when I come near?

Do I really want an Iphone? Do I dare break free?

*shrugs*

I 'll deal with that when I can be bothered.

Half Way Mark

I have managed to get 5 films for my top ten. As Trench said t'other night "the first five are easy, it's the rest that's difficult".

My little bearded friend is, of course, right.

I last did this in early 2006 and have been looking for the e-mail I sent to Col. Orange and Mr Trench about it, but can't find it.

So, in no order and with some brief explinations about them here are the first 5.

1, Fight Club (1999) Dir. David Fincher

BEST FILM EVER!

I first watched Fight Club because I wanted to see Brad Pitt get the crap knocked out off him. I was very pleasently surprised, it had meaning and depth. It was brilliantly directed/written/acted/portrayed. After I watched it I remember thinking smething along the lines of "Bloody hell, that was awesome". For the next few days I was constantly thinking about the film and trying to piece the whole thing together. I even rented it again a few days later just to see the whole thing again and really enjoy it. Now that's not a normal thing for me to do, especially when you consider the surprise ending, but even knowing what happens has never taken away from the enjoyment of the film.

I also think this was the first film I double-dipped on.

Best memory of Fight Club

Getting Trench and the Col. to watch it, them being as sceptical as I first was. Then them instantly loving it as much as I did.

2, Ringu (1998) Dir. Hideo Nakata

Ringu was hyped and hyped to me by my fellow Thursday night film junkies. I have never been one for horror films as they don't really scare me and I find the whole genre a bit laughable really. It seems Trench and the Col. had gone along to see the film on a whim and loved it. So when it next came up at the Phoenix I was there. It was a double feature Ringu and Ringu 2 (The Ringu-ening). I did feel like the whole thing had been over hyped to me and I was ready not to enjoy it too much if I am going to be honest.

It scared the living pap out of me.

I once tried watching this film alone. In the dark.

I got very scared and gave up, switched the lights on, then switched the film off.

Best memory?

Having returned home from the cinema watching Ringu, I turn on the TV only to left looking at a screen of static.

Clean pants on ailse three.

3, Leon (1994) Dir. Luc Besson

Who the hell doesn't like Leon (a.k.a. The Professional)? Morons that's who. I hate talking to people about this film and them start to tell me about the directors cut which they have seen where you kind of question the "love" between Matilda and Leon. Shut up, shut up SHUT UP! She loves him as she has never had anyone ever look after her in her whole life, let alone put on a puppet show. He loves her as he has never been able to look after anyone and all he does is kill people and talk to fat Italians. Leon could have been one of the most violent and over the top films ever made. I'm talking John Woo/Michael Bay over the top. But it isn't and shouldn't be. It's brilliantly written and masterfully directed. My personal favourite bit I can't talk about as it would be a spoiler. There isn't a bad performance in the whole thing. Jean Reno, Gary Oldman and Natalie Portman all shine like supa novas in this.

Favourite thing about Leon.

When ever you say "everyone" near a Thursday Nighter you are asked what you mean. You WILL reply "EVERYONE!!!!!!"

Pulp Fiction (1994) Dir Quentin Tarantino

What the hell can I say?

Err, I didn't like it when I first watched it. In fact I turned it off. I was watching it and not really paying much attention, then my dad walked in and looked horrified at the screen. I sort of wake up, and well....err it's that scene. You know where Bruce Willis is about to get all Samurai on their asses. My dad wasn't impressed so I kind of turned it off and walked away from it all. Years later I decide to give it another go and make sure that my dad will not interupt me this time. This time I love it. The way it is directed and the writing stand out more than anything.

I love films where the characters interact, and hold conversations. Not where they are reading lines to each other, but realistic conversations take place. Where people bounce off each other. You have this by the bucket load in Pulp Fiction.

Also there is the soundtrack which is awesome, and the way the story is told. The beginning being the end, the end actually carrying on from the beginning and the middle being the end and the credits being the trailers......or something.

Best memory of Pulp Fiction

Possibly my dads face when he saw the hot action on the screen.

5, Uncle Buck (1989) Dir. John Hughes

Everyone loves Uncle Buck. It's a solid film from the 80's that has John Candy in. Admittedly that description can mean it could be many other films (Planes, trains and atumobiles, Spaceballs, Little Shop Of Horrors.........The Great Out Doors........Whos Harry Crumb?). I could watch this film any day, at any time with any mood and I would laugh like a bastard.

We all have that family member (and it is most likely to be a sibling of some kind) in our families that is....well a little off. They mean well, but they just never seem to get things right, and everyone is a bit better off by not having them around. In my family it's me. *grin*

I have easily seen Uncle Buck 200 times. It makes me smile just to think about it.

Best memories due to Uncle Buck

Bank holiday at work, I walk into the staff room and start channel hopping trying to find something to watch. As I stop at one channel another two people walk into the room. All three of us "Awesome Uncle Buck!". No more words were needed.

Or Col. Orange is very hung over and on my sofa after throwing up. I make him some coffee. "You know what you need my friend? Uncle Buck." We watch it, and eat bacon sandwiches. By the time the credits come up, he feels much much better. The healing power of the Buck.



So there you have it, the first five. The next ones are going to be very hard. There will be some difficult and possibly heart breaking decisions made. But there will be no musicals, and no Michael Bay.


Till next time.

Look, it's a link!

I have just added my Google Reader to the side linkage bit.

It shows different stories that I have read and commented on.

Which I then share with you good people.

Cause I'm nice like that.