I Don't Like It Here

Quotes For The Box

2011-09-23T13:04:00.002+01:00

The Losers 2010

"The best use of "Don't Stop Believin'" I've heard. Top notch idiocy."

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus 2009

"Don't build your hopes up for a swan song. Do build your hopes up for great Terry Gilliam Madness"

Pearl Jam Twenty 2011

"It made me heart them even more."

Quotes For The Box

2011-09-11T21:01:00.002+01:00

Year One 2009

"Not sure how many films they are trying to pack into one here. Also the editor of this was fucking tripping the whole time"

Marley & Me 2008

"Seriously. If you read the premise you know exactly what is going to happen. But, it's still very upsetting."

I Think I'm Funnier Than I Am.

2011-08-24T00:20:00.002+01:00

TAS is on holiday.

She is going to Rome tomorrow.

She asked me to look up some Italian phrases that may be of use to her.

This is what I have sent to her.

Bene. .....when in Roma Well......when in Rome

È così la sua faccia. So is your face.

È così la sua mamma. So is your mum

Oi, il contadino. Oi, peasant

Dove è il... Where is the...

museo. museum

gabinetto toilet

uscita. Exit

Farla parla degli inglesi. Do you speak English

Farla parla degli inglesi come se lei era une persone civilizzate? Do you speak English as if you were a civilized people?

Ho visto la vacanza Europea. So ciò che lei il lotto è come. I've seen European vacation. I know what you lot are like

Lei ha qualunque cibo che non è il drenched nell'olio d'oliva? Do you have any food that isn't drenched in olive oil?

Appena mostrarlo la bustina di tè. Just show it the teabag

Dove lei nutre i cristiani ai leoni questi giorni? Where do you feed Christians to lions these days?

I am hilarious.

Quotes For The Box

2011-08-12T23:18:00.001+01:00

The Station Agent 2003

"The cover gives away the whole film, also nothing else happens"

Quotes For The Box

2011-08-12T18:39:00.002+01:00

Super 8

"Any film with My Sharona on the soundtrack instantly makes it into my cool book."

Well, The Kaiser Chiefs Did Predict It

2011-08-11T00:36:00.003+01:00

The country has gone mad. It's official.

What started as a mindless riot against the police for shooting someone has now become a nationwide looting spree.

Nothing more and nothing less.

I am very lucky to not only live far away from all of this crap, but also to work far enough away from all of the crap.

That is, until this Saturday.

On the 13th August the EDL will be marching through Wellington (10mins away from my work). The EDL are easily spotted on TV and other media. They're the ones that look really un-evolved. Knuckles dragging on the floor and a forehead that sticks out more than their beer bellies. Long and short, they're idiots.

The EDL are against England falling under Sharia Law. They don't like Muslims and feel that all Muslims should "go home". Unless they were born in the UK, in which case they are required to go somewhere foreign where the EDL don't have to see them. Somewhere that isn't En-gur-land.

They don't like extremists. I have to agree with them on that one. Extremists scare me. Anyone that is *that* fanatical about religion or massively bigoted points of view are normally mental in more than one way. But because the EDL always gather in their thousands and chant, and fight and voice their opinions in loud swearing ill-educated ways I would argue that they are also extremists. Racist Extremists and so they fall into the "They scare me because they are fucking nutters" category.

I am a big fan of freedom of speech which means everyone is entitled to voice their opinion. But in the case of the EDL and other extremists, I think they should keep quiet more often than say....breathing.

But it got me thinking. What am I really opposed to? What group could I start that has little to no basis in reality, but that I could get people behind. Get lots of people fired up and ready to fight about it. Here are my ideas.

Extreme Political Correctness.

The EPS would take political correctness to scary new places. I like political correctness. The manners that it has forced upon morons is great. "Oh you can't say such and such a word anymore." Normally this is due to an offensive word being said and someone showing disdain for it. If a word offends someone, then you *shouldn't* be saying words like that. It's just good manners if nothing else.

We would take this a step too far of course. Or a step too far enough depending on how you look at it. We wouldn't allow people to refer to black people as black. Because black could be offensive to the shade black, as it discriminates against it rather than keep it in with other tints, tones and colours.

United Against Michael Bay

We would never: set fire to anything, blow anything up, move in slow motion or ever use a segway and go round and round and round and round to do that spinning shot thing that makes me want to vomit. We would stand outside cinemas showing Transformers 3 and hand out Wes Anderson DVDs for people to watch instead.

To be fair, people would get to see much better films.

Church Of Pearl Jam

We would gather and listen to Pearl Jam. Discuss gig experiences. We would also go around and fight Bush and Creed fans in a Jets Vs Sharks style gang fight.

Fingernail Defence League.

I have a major issue with fingernails. I hate them. If my finger nails get too long (about 3-5mm of white showing) then they itch and I need to cut them. I have had to go out and buy nail cutters whilst on holiday because they have grown too long and I can't cope.

This might make me look a bit mental. Imagine you had longish nails. Imagine an old wooden drawer. Imagine catching your nail on the base of the drawer as you pick something up. That feeling makes me want to rip my face off. Like in face off. It has the same effect on me as nails on a chalk board has on people. As it happens nails on a chalk board don't really bother me. The thought of catching a nail and it ripping off drives me insane.

We would meet up and set fire to manicure shops. The FDL have one very focused task. Destroy fingernails.

Meat Eaters Against Twats

Red meat is really bad for you. Red Meat comes from cows. All cows eat is grass. Ergo being a vegetarian is bad.

Just follow this simple mathematical equation.

Human + Solely Vegetarian Diet = Twatish Human.

We should rally around and burn down tofu plantations. Beat to death farmers that don't breed animals for food.

It almost seems daft to be beating up vegetarians as they are too weak to fight back. But screw it, this is meant to be an idiotic group so we *will* start attacking the fussy eating bastards.

Beat them to death.

Then eat them.

Wrong Words

2011-08-06T23:50:00.002+01:00

The kids have been saying it for ages. I have ignored them. But now grown people, people that have left school for many years, are using this word all the time. It's beginning to piss me off.

Random.

The amount of people that say this word in the wrong place really grates on me. Perfect example.

Last Halloween I went to the supermarket close to my work. I went to buy twelve pumpkins for us to make a display for the window.

On the way back to work I passed some emo kids. One of them said

"That's random" and pointed at my trolley.

NO! It's not random. I had purpose. I went to the supermarket with the sole intention of buying twelve pumpkins. I had then planned to go back to work with them. I organised to use a trolley as I would be unable to carry them all in one trip. So from my point of view this was not random in anyway.

But maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Let's see it from his point of view.

"It's nearly Halloween. This gives me slight justification to cover myself in blood and dress in even more black. Plus if I am really lucky all of the females will dress really slutty and I get to stare at them and pretend to be unhappy about it all. Oh, look a trolley full of pumpkins.....at Halloween. That's not a rare sight to be fair. It'd be like seeing a trolley of Xmas presents at Christmas, but I only have a limited vocabulary. How do I point out this sight to my friends? I've got it! 'That's Random'. Why are the hitting me? Is this random?"

That's how I imagine it anyway.

In all serious it annoys me how everyone keeps labelling things random, because it's easy. I left an item on a persons desk the other day. I just happened to be walking past and got called to do something else, so put it there to come back to. On my way back to this persons desk I saw them holding the item and saying "Look what someone left on my desk. That's a bit random!"

Again. This is not random. I could understand if the item in question was a bulls head. Or perhaps if it was a bag of thirteen human forefingers. But it was a stapler. Was this a random item to find....on a desk.....in an office? The only way I could see this being read as a random act was the fact that the stapler had "Craigs Stapler" written on it and why on Earth would my stapler be on someones desk that is not mine.

Again, I had purpose, I had reasoning for what had happened. This takes away any random aspects. I wasn't walking around without aim carrying any old thing, then blindly walked into a room disorientated and threw the item away with no form of selection of where it was going to end. This would have made the discovery of the stapler on a desk random.

You could try and argue that the discovery of my stapler on someone else desk was random as it was not their stapler, nor my desk. However I would argue that it was more unexpected.

So unless, you want me to rant at you about the misuse of this word I wouldn't start that one.

So listen up world, stop using the word random.

Lest I slap you in the face with a salmon.

Quotes For The Box

2011-08-06T23:40:00.002+01:00

Todays viewing in order.

How To Train Your Dragon (2010)

"A Film that is *as* good as everyone says...apart from the people that say it's shit. Those people are wrong"

The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)

"Well....it's better than Golden Compass"

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

"John C Reilly is pretty funny. Other than that I'm not even sure I watched a film"

Shutter Island (2010)

"I've worked this out.....oh wait.....hang on.....err...I sorta got it?"

Quotes For The Box

2011-08-05T22:21:00.001+01:00

Megamind (2010)

"Finally a film to rival Fight Club as the Greatest Film Ever. Seriously."

I am Legend

2011-07-10T01:02:00.003+01:00

Hello t'internet.

I am back.

Yes, I will be abusing you.

Yes, I will be ranty.

No, I cannot promise that after this post I will become incredibly lazy (again) and stop for the next 2 years.

Chances are I will get bored half way through writing this to be honest.

If nothing else "Quotes for the box" will be back, to aid friends with their cinematic choices.

Quotes For The Box

2011-07-10T00:59:00.001+01:00

Grown Ups

"Funny in places, instantly and completely forgettable"

Letters From The Craig

2009-07-01T01:18:00.002+01:00

My mum sent me an e-mail. Basically she has been having some trouble with her neighbours. She has had an injunction put against the lad that lives there but he keeps on causing trouble.

He has been pulled into court.

I have been asked by the judge to attend court to give
evidence against *the kid causing issues* and the noise he was creating last Saturday. His mother and girlfriend deny that it was him. He has been threatened with a custodial sentence for contempt of court. I would rather not go but have
to or he may get off. His mum turned up in court in dirty jeans, pink crocs and a
white vest top without a bra. Lovely picture would put most ment off women
for life.Think of me on Friday.

I have sent back a very ranty e-mail to her, which I have attached for your amusement.

Hello,

To be honest when I think of that horrid woman I can picture the grotesque beast wearing exactly what you have mentioned. This is mostly a comment on her disgusting way of life, but even more sad is that it shows our society in quite a true reflection. She is like most women her age these days.

I got into an argument with a customer the other day (I know.....me!). She was saying that it's the kids of today that have made the world horrible. I disagreed. It's the parents of these kids that have taught the kids to not care and have little to no respect for anyone that have paved the way. These parents would be the kids of.....yup, the customer I was talking to. She didn't like the accusation that it was HER shitty parenting that has led an Evil begets evil path for HER dipshit Grandchild to think it's acceptable to wear a tracksuit all the time and shout and swear at anyone that passes them. But it is a fair comment I feel.

I am more than sure that both you and dad had fairly harsh upbringings, which paved the way for you to understand, respect and appreciate the way things are in the world. It helped you both get a better grasp on what was acceptable for children, namely your children. This is then what you pass on to your kids and they understand things like "If you go to a job interview/formal function or, oh I don't know, COURT then you WEAR A FUCKING SUIT! It kind of makes sense that only someone as (dare I be as un-pc as to say it?) retarded (Yes apparently I do) as that woman would think going into court wearing the equvilant of a sack of shit would be a good idea and would get the jury/judge on her side. And not just make them think "I know this sort of scumbag, they live on my street as well. I hate them. I mean HATE like they create bile in my throat when I see them. Like I wanna give them infected blankets in the hope that they don't wake up in the morning and I would be happy with the fact that *I* did that to them."

I am aware that I am becoming quite ranty on this topic, and I am OK with this. These people have caused and will continue to cause hassle and problems for you no matter what you do. If you go to court, then yes they shall want vengeance on you for what you have done. If you don't, then they will carry on being the ignorant white trash that they have always been and will cause problems without realising it. The sad thing is, I mean the really sad thing is, that they will never see that THEY are in the wrong at any turn. They fall into the same sack as the people that shoot animals with pellet guns "for fun". Or beat children. Or beat women. They don't see the line of right and wrong. They never consider that what they are doing could be causing harm/discomfort or pain for anyone at all. It bothers me greatly that people like this exist. I am aware I can't change the world, but if I had the chance to make one of them listen, and I mean listen to what they do to others then I would leap at it.

You must remember of course that you are only delivering one side of what has been happening, and it is up to the jury/judge to decide what is going to happen....if anything. Yes, once again that fuckwit family will think that it is the evil neighbours, and couldn't possibly be their angel of a son. I mean he only got kicked out of every school. He stopped even trying to get into a school after the age of, what 12? and has spent the past 6 years........SIX YEARS wandering around the streets causing trouble and being moronic. He lacks the intelligence and empathy to ever comprehend his actions, but this does not excuse them.

The other day outside my club I had three youths of various ages (14+) smoking. You are most likely thinking, that's silly. They then waited, loittering and when everyone had come back inside they picked all of the ciggerette ends up off the florr, and out of the in. I couldn't help but think "I would murder Jecka if she did that". But then I thought "Jecka would never do that" why? Because she fears me kicking her arse? Possibly, but mostly because she can see the line.

I can see why you wouldn't want to do the whole court thing, and I have no issue with you not wanting to do it. You, off course, know that it is the right thing to do and that you should do it. If not for you, but for the person in the future that he realy harms. But I am not going to try and twist your arm.

I'm not sure if I have ever said this to you, but you should know that you have raised three people in this world that know right from wrong. This may not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but in this world trust me, it's a massive accomplishment.

If nothing else I'll come round and smash the little cunts face in if you want.

Peace Out

Craigy

Comments for the box

2009-03-11T15:21:00.001Z

Citizen Kane

"Meh, 'salright"

Rough with the smooth

2009-01-30T23:21:00.003Z

It is a known fact that when things go well that something has to be crappy along with it.

If nothing else this helps you appreciate the good when it comes along, and makes you stop whinning like buggery when things go bad.

I am now the proud owner of a car. I love my car. I really mean that. It makes me happy to drive it. However there are things about the car that I don't like. The fact that it has a CD player for one. Not a good CD player that can handle MP3's, oh no. Just plain old CD's. So I have to carry around loads of CD's just to stop me from going crazy. My Ipod is just gathering dust on the shelf because there isn't even a port for me to put it in to my stereo.

So, yes I am going to get a new stereo so that I can start using my Ipod again.

The other thing that really grinds me about the car. You know the shade visors you have for the driver and front passenger? And how the passenger always has a mirror? Well the drivers got one as well in my car. You may think that there is nothing wrong with that. For the most part you would be right. Until there is some sun and you turn the visor down to sheild your eyes. Now because of the angle of the shade visor you now (thanks to the mirror) have a great view....of your crotch. That is not something I need to have right in my line of sight. I really don't know who thought that was a good idea, or if they didn't do enough testing on the old crotch mirror but someone is accountable for that view.

Not major things I know. But things I would like to change, to make my life a lot happier.

Quotes For The Box

2009-01-21T23:57:00.002Z

When a film is released on DVD one of its main selling points are the quotes on the case.

This is the first of, hopefully, many quotes I will give you that should have appeared on the case to help you decide to buy or not to buy.

The Elephant Man (1980)

"A David Lynch film that WON'T make you want to rip out your brain, stuff it into a blender and then set fire to yourself."

Lay-Z

2009-01-16T14:13:00.002Z

If I could be bothered I would fill this thing in every day and explain about what is happening in my world. You might find that interesting and informative. It could be as big as Big Brother.

But this is the real world. And Big Brother sucks.

And I'm lazy.

Well maybe not lazy so much as very busy.

Let's get back up to speed interwebs.

In September I was moved from my normal place of work just a mere 20mins walk from where I live and moved to work 44 miles away. I spent the first couple of weeks catching the train. This took 2 1/2 hours there and another 2 1/2 hours to come home, making me very tired all the time. I have passed my driving test after those couple of weeks and TAS nicely let me use her car to go to work. Now it only takes an hour to get there, which is a lot better.

Things didn't start off too well at my new place of work. Mostly because the members and the team were mutants. But like all mutants they have mutated and have now come to understand, that I don't act like an arse. I AM an arse!. *insert lol here*.

But seriously I spent the first few months having a bit of an uphill struggle with some people, but now on a whole I like my job.

I also now have my own car. It's called Kevvy.

Xmas was ace and I had a really good time. Tas and Jecka were both very happy with everything they got. We ate, we laughed and we thoroughily enjoyed ourselves.

I am still working about 55-60 hours a week, plus the 10 hours driving on top of that so am normally to tired to write about anything like I used to.

I will aim to write something each week and keep you good folks entertained, but I wouldn't hold out for that one.

My main thing at the minute is that my phone contract is up so I am free to go to another company and get a lovely iPhone. But the thought of leaving and going to another company scares me. What if they don't lke me? What if everyone on my netwrok now stops talking to me and shuns me when I come near?

Do I really want an Iphone? Do I dare break free?

*shrugs*

I 'll deal with that when I can be bothered.

Half Way Mark

2008-08-15T16:23:00.002+01:00

I have managed to get 5 films for my top ten. As Trench said t'other night "the first five are easy, it's the rest that's difficult".

My little bearded friend is, of course, right.

I last did this in early 2006 and have been looking for the e-mail I sent to Col. Orange and Mr Trench about it, but can't find it.

So, in no order and with some brief explinations about them here are the first 5.

1, Fight Club (1999) Dir. David Fincher

BEST FILM EVER!

I first watched Fight Club because I wanted to see Brad Pitt get the crap knocked out off him. I was very pleasently surprised, it had meaning and depth. It was brilliantly directed/written/acted/portrayed. After I watched it I remember thinking smething along the lines of "Bloody hell, that was awesome". For the next few days I was constantly thinking about the film and trying to piece the whole thing together. I even rented it again a few days later just to see the whole thing again and really enjoy it. Now that's not a normal thing for me to do, especially when you consider the surprise ending, but even knowing what happens has never taken away from the enjoyment of the film.

I also think this was the first film I double-dipped on.

Best memory of Fight Club

Getting Trench and the Col. to watch it, them being as sceptical as I first was. Then them instantly loving it as much as I did.

2, Ringu (1998) Dir. Hideo Nakata

Ringu was hyped and hyped to me by my fellow Thursday night film junkies. I have never been one for horror films as they don't really scare me and I find the whole genre a bit laughable really. It seems Trench and the Col. had gone along to see the film on a whim and loved it. So when it next came up at the Phoenix I was there. It was a double feature Ringu and Ringu 2 (The Ringu-ening). I did feel like the whole thing had been over hyped to me and I was ready not to enjoy it too much if I am going to be honest.

It scared the living pap out of me.

I once tried watching this film alone. In the dark.

I got very scared and gave up, switched the lights on, then switched the film off.

Best memory?

Having returned home from the cinema watching Ringu, I turn on the TV only to left looking at a screen of static.

Clean pants on ailse three.

3, Leon (1994) Dir. Luc Besson

Who the hell doesn't like Leon (a.k.a. The Professional)? Morons that's who. I hate talking to people about this film and them start to tell me about the directors cut which they have seen where you kind of question the "love" between Matilda and Leon. Shut up, shut up SHUT UP! She loves him as she has never had anyone ever look after her in her whole life, let alone put on a puppet show. He loves her as he has never been able to look after anyone and all he does is kill people and talk to fat Italians. Leon could have been one of the most violent and over the top films ever made. I'm talking John Woo/Michael Bay over the top. But it isn't and shouldn't be. It's brilliantly written and masterfully directed. My personal favourite bit I can't talk about as it would be a spoiler. There isn't a bad performance in the whole thing. Jean Reno, Gary Oldman and Natalie Portman all shine like supa novas in this.

Favourite thing about Leon.

When ever you say "everyone" near a Thursday Nighter you are asked what you mean. You WILL reply "EVERYONE!!!!!!"

Pulp Fiction (1994) Dir Quentin Tarantino

What the hell can I say?

Err, I didn't like it when I first watched it. In fact I turned it off. I was watching it and not really paying much attention, then my dad walked in and looked horrified at the screen. I sort of wake up, and well....err it's that scene. You know where Bruce Willis is about to get all Samurai on their asses. My dad wasn't impressed so I kind of turned it off and walked away from it all. Years later I decide to give it another go and make sure that my dad will not interupt me this time. This time I love it. The way it is directed and the writing stand out more than anything.

I love films where the characters interact, and hold conversations. Not where they are reading lines to each other, but realistic conversations take place. Where people bounce off each other. You have this by the bucket load in Pulp Fiction.

Also there is the soundtrack which is awesome, and the way the story is told. The beginning being the end, the end actually carrying on from the beginning and the middle being the end and the credits being the trailers......or something.

Best memory of Pulp Fiction

Possibly my dads face when he saw the hot action on the screen.

5, Uncle Buck (1989) Dir. John Hughes

Everyone loves Uncle Buck. It's a solid film from the 80's that has John Candy in. Admittedly that description can mean it could be many other films (Planes, trains and atumobiles, Spaceballs, Little Shop Of Horrors.........The Great Out Doors........Whos Harry Crumb?). I could watch this film any day, at any time with any mood and I would laugh like a bastard.

We all have that family member (and it is most likely to be a sibling of some kind) in our families that is....well a little off. They mean well, but they just never seem to get things right, and everyone is a bit better off by not having them around. In my family it's me. *grin*

I have easily seen Uncle Buck 200 times. It makes me smile just to think about it.

Best memories due to Uncle Buck

Bank holiday at work, I walk into the staff room and start channel hopping trying to find something to watch. As I stop at one channel another two people walk into the room. All three of us "Awesome Uncle Buck!". No more words were needed.

Or Col. Orange is very hung over and on my sofa after throwing up. I make him some coffee. "You know what you need my friend? Uncle Buck." We watch it, and eat bacon sandwiches. By the time the credits come up, he feels much much better. The healing power of the Buck.

So there you have it, the first five. The next ones are going to be very hard. There will be some difficult and possibly heart breaking decisions made. But there will be no musicals, and no Michael Bay.

Till next time.

Look, it's a link!

2008-08-12T19:29:00.001+01:00

I have just added my Google Reader to the side linkage bit.

It shows different stories that I have read and commented on.

Which I then share with you good people.

Cause I'm nice like that.

Which one? Pick one! This one? Classic

2008-08-05T23:13:00.003+01:00

I bought Empire this month with the usual happiness. More perhaps seeing as Watchmen is on the cover.

So I spent the afternoon reading through it seeing whats what in the film world, and I enjoyed reading it. Little did I know the horror that was waiting......just......around the......page.

Well bugger me. Better get my knuckle dusters ready, as this is gonna cause riots.

My issue with this is......

What defines greatest? My favourite films are very different to the greatest films ever made.

I mean, Titanic is one of the greatest films ever made on a production scale. But it is a bad bad bad film. I mean directorally, screenplay wise, acting wise....but on a production scale it's incredible. THEY BUILT HALF A FUCKING BOAT!

But other than that it's a pile of dung.

Anchorman is one of my favourite films. Is it one of the greatest? It's one of the greatest comedies easily. Does that give it a place in the greatest films ever? Possibly....but where do you draw the line?

Films that will be in my list,

1, Fight Club
2, Leon
3, Pulp Fiction
4, Ringu

I would like to add Blade Runner but then you have to pick which version and it starts getting a bit silly really. Or is that a valid point? Could Aliens appear twice on the list once as the Theatrical version and another time as the Directors Cut. Well, no because the Directors cut is the only version worth watching but still. Is that allowed?

One thing is for sure that all of three of the Star Wars films will be in the top ten as will all three L.O.T.R. films. Which to be fair I don't agree with but there you go.

Mostly because only the first L.O.T.R. deserves to be in there as it is the only one that stuck with the story, they moved further away the further they went on. But on an epic scale yes it should be in there. As to get the backgrounds they started planting flowers and stuff 2 years in advance.

I am mostly interested in seeing where Dark Night appears. It's a top notch film and Heath Ledger is horse shit crazy in it. Is it the best/greatest film? Not really.

Does best mean greatest?

I hate doing these lists so am desperately asking for help folks. Do I do the list as my favourite films?

Or my greatest films (of which Titanic will NOT be one)?

Also feel free to post your top ten in the comments but don't forget to put your votes on the Empire site.

Pros and Cons

2008-07-21T00:49:00.002+01:00

Pros and cons of doing a charity bike ride.

Pro:

Raising lots of money for a good cause.

Con:

Trapping nerves in both your arms. One of which has left your little finger numb for the best part of 20 days.

Pro:

The self satisfaction of completing a huge task.

Con:

Doing possibly lasting damage to your knee.

Pro:

Telling everyone your a big tough bastard cause you did the huge task.

Con:

Having approximately 20 old women ask you if your bum is better.

You make up your own minds folks.

BTW I'm now riding the bike again, and not in as much pain as you might think I should/deserve to be.

Let me file that under "Eeeewwwww!"

2008-07-15T23:56:00.003+01:00

I was told the most horrid conversation ever today.

It was told to me by E who was having a conversation with a customer (Old Dear OD).

E, Did you hear that conversation I was having with that woman?

Craigy, Can't say I did.

E, She said fanny to me. Old women shouldn't say fanny.

Grossed out yet?

No? Then read on.

E, She was telling me that she has a collapsed womb.

Uncomfortable, but not completely horrid.

E, She explained that she didn't want to go the Doctor, as she had just bought a finger glove and was just pushing it back up when it popped down.

That's it, that's the line being crossed right there. I mean really? If my intestines were falling out every day and I had to put them in I would certainly go to the Doctor. Let alone if it was my man sack opening up and dropping my stones out.

Imagine that!

E, I told her that she should go to the Doctor about it as that's just not right and she said....

Brace yourself.

OD, There's no need to trouble the Doctor with it dear. I've been doing this for two years now.

That sound is people wrenching having just read this.

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my biii-ike

2008-07-09T23:44:00.003+01:00

I made it!

And here is my amazing story.....

Or skip to the bottom for a summary.

Last Tuesday I sorted the last of my things out and set off to Londonland. I booked my ticket in advance and had to book a place for my bike. It was a lovely train that I got and I was very relaxed on it.

However, when we got outside of Luton the train manager told us that there were some issues and we may have to wait a while. "No worries" I thought and carried on with my book and listening to some iPodage. about 20 mins passed and then the train pulled into Luton and stopped again with the train manager again explaining that we may have to wait a little while longer. 20 mins passed. The train manager now tells us that the train is going to terminate here as no train is going into London.

Bugger.

I get off and stand like a twonk with all my bags and my bike waiting for the next bit of information.

30mins pass.

I now meet a friendly guy from New Zealand called John. We get chatting about this and that.

Lots more people are thrown from their trains and the platforms are getting pretty rammed.

Then an announcement comes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, anyone wishing to travel to London will be pleased to know that ONE train will take them as far as *some London shite hole* and that train is going to be here in 2 seconds at...................platform..........1 RUN MORTALS TRY AND MAKE IT MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

With the help of John I force myself onto the shed with wheels that turns up. I am not joking when I say that the train must have been at least three times passed capacity. I held my bike upright and had two other people holding the damned thing. We go two stops before......."ladies and gents we are going to stay here for a bit while we wait for more trains to clear the way"

20 mins pass.

"ladies and gents, we are going to terminate this train here"

Everyone piles off very annoyed.

15 mins pass in the baking sun.

Another train arrives and everyone piles on. I find it very hard to get on without John here to help me. I get on and we go two stops to our destination of "Random London hole" where we have been told a bus will take us the rest of the way.

I walk round to where the coach is meant to be and watch everyone get on. The driver then lets me know that "you can't get on here with a bike". So I am stranded 2 hours cycle from London.

I phone TAS and am just about t give up hope when.....

"Mate? there is a train coming in soon that can take you to West Hampstead"

I have no idea where that is but it sounds Londony.

I get on this train and go to this Hamstead place. I have a long conversation with some of the managers about how the hell I am going to get all the way to Croydon. They very helpfully tell me what to do. So....

I get the train to Some place.

get off and walk across London.

To London Bridge Train Station.

I get a ticket to Croydon.

I ask the lady at information where my train is meant to be as I am very confused by the hge station. She tried to communicate to me soley by pointing and grunting and seemed to be annoyed at me when I asked for some clarification.

I get to the train and as I am boarding it, some random business yuppie git is getting off and looks digusted at my bike and then me.

"Can I help you?" I say to him as I feel my last nerve bending.
"You what?" He snaps back at me.
*Snap* there goes my last nerve.
"F*CK OFF!" I shout back and then storm onto the train with all of the people getting out of my way.

Boarded first train at 13.00.

Expected arrival time 14.15.

Actual tim in the hotel.......20.30.

I was not happy.

Day 2

This was the first day of the cycle. We were late turning up as Google maps directions are a bi shit to be honest. But we got there.

And so began our journey on our bikes. About 30 mins in we hit a hill. In Croydon. That was equal to Everest. It was bloody huge and I was ignorant of my gears. Basically you have the three big discs next to your foot (gears 1 - 3) and then you have the ones attached to the back wheel (1 - 7). I would only use 2 - 7 or 3 -7. So I found this hill very bloody difficult and gave up very early and walked to damned thing. What a start.

The rest of the day was a collection of massive hills and upset for me. There was one hill, let me repeat this ONE HILL, that was 3 miles long. Always up. Never ending.

I did, however, meet Skye. She also hated hills, so we walked them together.

Here I am at the ferry station.

Croydon to New Haven. New Haven to Dieppe Hotel. 66 Miles.

Day 3.

This day was going to be the toughest. 93 miles. With lots of hills. So Skye and I set off, with a quick stop off at a French chemist to try and get a knee bandage.

We came across a big bridge.

It had a great view from the middle.

Imagine you were there as you look from left and the all the way to the right.

I did manage to work out my gears and thus managed to climb a massive hill all the way!

It was a horrible day that had everything. We got caught in a storm and I had no rain coat so got soaked. But we managed to get to the water stop where I was given a water proof. Here I am modelling it with Skye.

We made it through and we were very happy with ourselves. Skye and I made a good team, there were times when she was ahead of me and it gave me the determination to catch up, and like wise. It was good.

Everyone felt like they had managed something today.

Dieppe to Liseux (twinned with Taunton) 93 miles.

Day 4.

I was mentally ready for this day. 73 miles seemed like such an easy task after 93 miles.

I can't really remember much about this day, apart from the fact that my other knee went so I had to get another knee bandage with my crap French and rude chemists it took a while.

I did however find the town where every French person lives.

Maybe it was named because it's what the French say more than any other word, I don't know.....but I think it was.

It felt like we had been cycling for ever and a quick check on the map told us we were about 6 miles away.....only to go round the corner and we were there! Result.

Liseux to Vernon 73 miles.

Day 5

Last day! This was the hardest day of my life. I honestly felt like I couldn't physically do any more. But we made it.

Straight after breakfast we had this hill...mind you that was after this one.

Some long roads and big hills later we made it to Paris where we stopped to have a beer. I was the last one to this part so didn't get one. Here is a picture of how close we are. What? You don't see how close......see a zoomed in picture.

So we gathered as a group and all set off to The tower as a group.....well kinda.

I may have taken the lead at one point, and I "may" have stayed there and been the first person to the tower, which made me soooooooo happy.

The next day we were allowed to take Paris by storm. I had a chinese meal bought pressies for my girls and that was that.

The Eiffel Tower was small.........and far away.

Also saw a place called Klingon Court

Then I came home nice and easily with no worries.

So to summaries,

Horrible trip there.

Hurt both my knees.

Made a friend.

Was first to the tower.

I rock.

Memories......

2008-06-20T22:03:00.003+01:00

Reading on some other peoples sites recently has sent me into a nostalgic spiral.

Firstly Penges post on Randomlinkage took me back. Yes I too cried like a little girl with pigtails when this happened. It tore my tiny world apart.

It also reminded me that I had mainly Decepticons toys where my brother had the Autobots.

It wasn't just Transformers that this happened with either. For some reason my parents always got me the Bad Guys and my older brother always got the Good Guys. I had Darth Vaders Lightsaber he had Luke Skywalker. I'm not complaining as I normally liked the ambition of the Bad Guys if nothing else.

I also once had to fight (bare knuckles no less) with my Granny to get to play with my new Transformer. I have looked online but can't seem to find it. It was an Autobot and I was very excited to have one finally. It changed into about 9 different things and my Aunt may(?) have got it from Japan when she went there. But my Granny enjoying puzzles wanted to do it first. Some tears, some shouting, an elbow to the throat and a fork in the eye later my Granny felt sorry for having kicked the crap out of me and let me have my toy.

That was a fun Xmas.

Secondly, reading this post on Team Teabag I followed the link and watched the video. As soon as the video was finished more options came up.....and one looked familiar.

This one. That's from The Adventures Of Mark Twain which was one of those films that I watched non-stop as a kid. The list is pretty long to be honest so I won't bore you with the details.

But some highlights,

All Superman films.
The Goonies
Princess Bride
All the Star Wars
Dark Crystal
Labyrinth

To name but a few. But then it got me thinking about the TV I used to watch.

We all watched Transformers and Thundercats but how many watched....

Transformaloids?

Or Thunderpants?

These were the un-sung comedy heroes of my childhood that featured on Round The Bend. I loved that show, nothing bt funny funny stuff. But once again the internet has let me down, and I can't find any videos of this brilliance so you will have to take my word for it.

Basically what I am trying to get at is I have now really reached that age, where my childhood is bloody ages ago. To the point where it only exists in my memories.

I have been listening to some old albums as well recently. Well I say old albums but I can remember them being released. I can remember going to the shops the day they came out and buying them, on a CD not digital. It couldn't have been......what? This is a mis-print this couldn't have come out over ten years ago.

WHERE THE HELL HAS MY YOUTH GONE?

I'M NOT OLD.

Good Causes

2008-05-19T10:28:00.002+01:00

It's pledge week here at idontlikeithere.

So follow the links and donate some money.

1, The Feisty Kim is running the Race For Life for Cancer Research.

2, Mr Posthill, is running the Potters Arf Marathon for Testicular Cancer.

3, As for me? Well in July I am going to cycling all the way from London to Paris, for a charity called Whizz Kidz. This charity donates wheelchairs and electric wheelchairs to kids.

All worth while causes I am sure you will agree, so dig deep and donate some money to help motivate the three of us through our challenges ahead.

It'd be nicer then chasing us wth whips.

Look......we need to talk

2008-05-14T23:02:00.003+01:00

Hi there interweb. Sit down, we need to have a talk.

People normally start this conversation saying something like it's not you.....it's me. But that's not the case here, it's you.

We have had some good times together, you have picked me up when I was down. You made me laugh, you taught me things. We really do have some great memories. I know you have never been just mine, and I knew that coming into this whole thing that was the case. But it's the stuff you get up to with these "others".

You are breeding idiocy, and it has to stop. Oh, you know exactly what I am talking about. No, I'm not talking about the over opinionated teenagers that log on to imdb, and the morons that harp on and on on their blogs..........some of those guys are cool.

How do I put all of this? It's like, remember when Ibiza was the place to be. Then you had Ibiza Uncovered and Ibiza Reps Going Crazy and what not? Remember how all normal people looked at those programmes in disgust? Well you have become those programmes in places and I look at you and the people you "entertain" and "represent" with disdain.

People that write stuff like this for example:

hey *BLANK* u ok? u prob dntmemba me we used to go abbey together!! seems so long ago now! wot u up 2 these days neway? xx

It's shocking to see the English Language being put across like this. I mean I know I'm not perfect and my spelling can be pretty damned bad. But I have never/will never write "dntmemba". What the hell is that anyway? Take two words press them together and drop 20% of the letters, or at least replace them with one letter which sounds like a couple of letters.

Also NUMBERS ARE NOT LETTERS NOR ARE THEY GOOD SUBSTITUTES.

Again I know I am not perfect in anyway, and there are times where I don't want to read any book. But then I get over that slump and carry on. But when I read on peoples profiles and things that they "don't make a habit of reading, unless it's for uni" it makes me cry a little inside.

The fact that you aren't doing anything about this makes you part of the problem internet, and I just want to make it clear to you that we should maybe keep a good distance from each other. If only you could make it possible for me to type on other pages in red fonts so I can point out others mistakes, and help them become better formed people. Instead of turning the human race in2 sumthin dat don care wot u fink coz i gots me beer and me tv wiv eestendrs.

Seriously Internet, sort yourself out.

I do still love you.

*single tear*

TAXI!

2008-04-30T22:59:00.004+01:00

With my new job role I have lots of travelling to do. I have passed my theory test and am now saving up to go to Blackpool to do a two day course to pass my practical and then I can start driving about the place.

But until then I have to rely on public transport. Regular readers will be well aware that I am not a fan of this mode of getting about. I normally have to get the bus to the train station, then a train, then a taxi to wherever the hull I am going. It's a three for one.

The main issue is when I get the taxi and I give the place I need to go and they ask me what the quickest way or where abouts it is. "Is that the one near the Tesco?" I have no pigging idea to be fair as I'm new to that part of the country, didn't you just see me come out of the train station?

But today I got a new question. One that stunned me. I got off my train in Tame Bridge Parkway, which as it happens is the worlds smallest train station just outside of Birmingham. I had no money and could spy a Texaco not far off so thought I would walk up there, buy a tasty treat and get some cashback. I explained to them that I needed a taxi and asked if they had a number and also enquired as to what road we were on. "Walsall Road" was the answer. So I stepped outside and called the taxi.

Craig: Hello, I need a taxi from the Texaco Garage on Walsall road please.
Taxi person: Which one?
Craig: The texaco.
Taxi: No which road?
Craig: Oh, sorry. Walsall Road.
Taxi: (a little annoyed) Yeah I heard, but which Walsall Road?

This had me stumped. Why in the hell are there two Walsall roads in this area? More importantly why did they build a Texaco garage on both of these roads? The conversation that followed was basically me describing roughly where I was and what I could see. I mentioned the train station, and some kind of church that I could see, I even named another road name I could see and eventually we found out where I was and a taxi came and picked me up.

As I traveled around in the Taxi I started looking out of the window, as it was too bumpy to read my book, and I noticed something else that was odd. Three houses in a row, on the same side of the road. Numbered: 23, 24 then 25. ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE ROAD?

Birmingham is an odd place, and I don't like that kind of thing.

Not at all.

Best Overheard Conversation Of The Week

2008-04-19T20:38:00.003+01:00

At Birmingham New Street Train Station.

A group of teenagers walk around laughing at very "in" jokes between themselves. They are all obviously geeks. They start daring one of them to do something, Craig's interest is aroused.

Geeky Teenager walks up to a train porter: Excuse me.

Train Porter: Yes.

Geeky Teenager: When is the next train to Babylon 5?

*pause*

Train Porter: Fuck Off.

End

Corner Of Wrong

2008-04-16T00:33:00.003+01:00

Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on with this?

Famous, beyond awesome person turns up in shitty puppet commercial.

For no good reason.

I fear what young Mr Trench might have to say about this one.

Internet Jesus

2008-04-02T22:48:00.002+01:00

You may or may not be aware of a certain Internet Jesus. A man called Warren Ellis.

He's a very good writer and the next book I read WILL be Crooked Little Vein. I just have to finish Valis in all of its tripped out religion mumbo-jumbo.

Anyhoo, I am friends with Warren Ellis on Myspace and I also subscribe to the Bad Signal. Which is an e-mail that he sends out every now and then when he is not over worked.

You can find him here, or even here in the White Chapel forum part.

He recently posted this as a bulletin on Myspace. I think it kicks ass.

The Three Laws Of Robotics

1.

Robots couldn't really give a fuck if you live or die. Seriously.

I mean, what are you thinking? "Ooh, I must protect the bag of meat at all costs because I couldn't possibly plug in the charger all on my own." Shut the fuck up.

2.

Robots do not want to have sex with you. Are you listening, Japan? I don't have a clever comparative simile for this, because frankly you bags of meat will fuck bicycles if they're laying down and not putting up a fight. Just stop it. There is no robot on Earth that wants to see a bag of meat with a small prong on the end approaching it with a can of WD-40 and a hopeful smile.

And don't get me started on that terrifying hole that squeezes out more bags of meat.

3.

What, you can't count higher than three? We're expected to save your miserable lives, suffer being dressed in cheap schoolgirl costumes while you pollute any and all cavities you can find and do your maths for you? It's a miracle you people survived long enough to build us. You can go now.

(c) Warren Ellis 2007

You should now go and get everything he has ever written and enjoy it all.

It's what I am aiming to do.

Gym, please fix me.....

2008-03-21T23:27:00.003Z

I may not be as physically active at work as I once was.

I also enjoy cake.

This may have lead to me recently being reffered to as "Bacon Boy".

Yeah, I may have put on a bit of weight, and may now have a bit of a stomach on me. But I have started to take the correct course of action, as I do not want to look like a "b" on crutches.

I joined the gym.

There were two girls that came into my work during the week offering free days at the gym. I was planning on joining anyhow, so took this as a good place to get started.

You see here was me thinking I was going to go along, get shown all these different types of machines and what they do, and then be given a day to go crazy on them. Not the case. I was walked around by one f the girls as she just kinda pointed at things and said things like "That one is good for your stomach". That's it. No more explination about it. Admitidly I was a little intimidated by the whole idea of the gym. But now I'm terrified as I have no idea how to work anything and don't want to ask for fear of being put into one of these machines to find out that it's just a cleaner and more high tech device that Jigsaw (from Saw) has made, and I am about to die for not being fit.

But that aside. The equipment and the "muscle people" don't really bother me that much. They might scare me a little, but I just stay away from them and let them carry on looking at themselves which keeps them happy.

My main gripe with the gym is the locker room.

There seems to be no understanding of the male changing roms etiquette, which is quite simply

You get dressed as quickly as possible.

There was one chap that dried himself, then put his towel into his locker, got his phone out and started checking his messages. In the nip.

No need at all.

Blokes just shouldn't walk around the place, doing normal activities naked.

I'm no prude or anything, I just don't see why some men want to make the changing room, what we wish the womens changing room is like. "All naked, all the time".

And as much as I wish that dream was true, I'm sure it's not. Nor do lady sleep overs involve pillow fights. I'm sorry to burst that bubble lads, but it's a fact.

My Lucky Charm

2008-02-28T00:23:00.004Z

Recently I went to Manchester to take part in an assessment day.

I like travelling around the place you get to witness all the other accents that are around our little country and also see scallies from around the Great Ilse as well.

First, off it astounds me how many different accents there are around our Great Britain. From the odd throaty accent of Liverpool to the Londoners other wise known as "Cocker-ney". It's not that far a distance yet it could be a million miles when you listen to the locals try and communicate to each other.

As I also said I like seeing what the scallies get up to. It seems to be universal that they wear scarves around their mouths, baseball caps low and hoods on to cover anything that might be recognisable. But they aren't up to anything un-toward. Just you know being scally.

Highlights from this trip were listening to the drunken Liverpudlian, who was listening to the Everton game loudly on the train, his drunk wife who couldn't stop laughing at her own joke(you see she was on the phone and said that she was in Nuneaton and saying she HADN'T EATEN), getting ripped off by a Manc git of a taxi driver and also this peice of graffitti.

This kept me amused all bloody day.

Let's see, say yes to......Crack, whores, gambling, sweets from strangers, getting into a strange mans car to go and see his puppies and keeping the blinds open at all times to keep the very friendly neighbours happy.

But Seaworld? Well you can go right to Hell mister. I'll never kneel to you.

But to get to the point, I went on an assessment day to go for a promotion.

Which I got!

A quick timeline of Craigs recent life where everything is going ace-ingly golden.

November 2006 Have an interview for Operation Manager Role. Also The Amazing Sarah starts back at work.

December 2006 Get told I will have the job in 3 months time. Also start going to the pub with TAS.

January 2007 Pass NGS (don't ask) Means I get paid more and taken advantage of more. But still more money for me!

February 2007 Start going out with TAS.

March 2007 Have an aces holiday in NY.

April 2007 Get new job! Now I have power.

June 2007 Move in with TAS.

January 2008 Get named Best New Operations Manager 2007 for my area.

February 2008 have year anniversary with TAS

February 2008 get promoted for second time in less than one year. Because I ROCK!

So you now see why I love having her around so much.

She brings more money my way.......yet more work as well.

It's an odd balance but she is also very pretty so I'll keep her around.

I'm nice like that.

Well That Sucks

2008-02-24T13:15:00.002Z

I'm sorry to inform you, in case you didn't already know, that pandora is no longer available outside the US.

If you don't know Pandora is a brilliant site that works as a radio station playing only music you like. You type in an artist that you like and then Pandora, very brilliantly, plays music associated with that artist so you should like it all.

However, we not being US citizens are not as good as them so are now no longer able to listen to free music.

This may be a blessing in disguise for Col. Orange as I think he has sold all of his internal organs (apart from 1/3 of his liver, 12 inches of small and large intestine, one kidney, one lung and only enough blood to keep him alive) so that he could buy all the music he liked from this site.

But for people like me, that have a good library of music but sometimes want to listen to something new, are screwed. This might mean I have to listen to the actual radio, or worse still the AOL radio stations.

This does mean of course that I am open to suggestions of CD's that I should own to widen my taste and perhaps just have a jolly good ol' bop along to.

All suggestions welcome, apart from pop music and jazz.

This includes jazz flute.

And Being Delivered To My Door This Week.....

2008-02-09T21:59:00.000Z

Plagiarism

… pure joy. Yay for cheap dvds.

...And Relax

2008-02-09T21:53:00.000Z

Hello folks,

Sorry it's been a while but things are a little bit hectic this end. This is just a quick note to keep you all up to speed really.

1, Work is going 1000MPH's a minute for me at the mo. It's all well and good and I am enjoying the challenge so bring it on.

2, I won Best New Manager for my Area. I really am kicking ass.

3, I won some HMV vouchers at work. I spent them the next day on an Alfred Hitchcock boxset.

4, The Amazing Sarah and Jecka are both greatness.

That's pretty much it. I could go in to some good detail but I am trying to get flat things sorted out at the mo.

So till next time Craigy Fans

Shopped and Dropped

2008-01-11T21:43:00.001Z

Today I went into town to spend the last of my Xmas money that I was given at, well Xmas.

So far I had bought a rowing machine in a pathetic attempt to get into shape. It's quality as it is the only piece of exercise machinery that lets you get a bit of a work out by sitting down.

I wasn't able to go and buy and DVD's as I had to wait until The Thursday Night came round (confusingly on Friday) to shower me with gifts. Had to wait for fear of buying the same damned thing.

All stuff from them was aces, and I was very happy.

Nirvana Unplugged In New York
Hot Fuzz (3 disc)
Invasion U.S.A.
R-Point
Millers Crossing

My mum got me a voucher for HMV. This is all well and good......but

1, She bought it in the shop. And only vouchers from the shop can be used in the shop NOT online.
2, The site is a million times cheaper (prime example Teen Wolf 1 + 2 on the site 3 Pound, in the shop 15)
3, Only vouchers bought online can be used online. You can't get online vouchers in the shop.

So I had to wait to go into the shop to spend my money on lovely shiny discs. I also bought some DVD's from ASDA as they were dirt cheap.

ASDA

Bird On A Wire £2
The Waterboy (my previous copy is scratched to buggery) £3
Bicentennial Man £2

HMV

Stranger Than Fiction £6
Science Of Sleep £3
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (2disc) £3
Battle Royale (special edition 2 Disc) £8
Battle Royale II Requiem £5
Angel-A £6
Alfred Hitchock Boxset (Including Strangers on a train ((2disc)) Dial M For Murder, The Wrong Man, Stage Fright, I Confess, Norht By Northwest) £15
King Kong Deluxe Extended Edition (3 discs) £4

I also bought myself a jumper.

I think you can agree that I did pretty well.

So thank you to everyone that gave me money, you have made me very happy.

Slight issue being that TAS and I have to buy a new book case to put the DVD's on now as they are just piled up on the already fully stocked shelves.

This also makes me very happy.

Elvis Has Left The Building

2008-01-10T00:10:00.000Z

Lots of people own a PC of some form. I'm also sure that many people have had to endure the Blue Screen Of Death.

One such reader (who soley makes up a full quarter of the readership of this very site!) has written about his nightmares of everything dieing with some kind of Blue Screen all around the place. Mr Trench. His nightmares one and two.

Mr Trench may take some solice in the fact that these troubles are not just linked to him.

Most new Slot Machines these days have PC's inside them. It makes them easier to work and upgrade, should the Borg come to play bingo one day.

I was called over to a machine that had frozen. I took the technical stance, and switched it off and then back on.

Imagine my horror as I was faced with. THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH.

Of course there is the chance that this doesn't enhance Mr Trenchs calm, it may in fact alarm him that the dreaded B.S.O.D. is in fact everywhere.

EVERYWHERE!

Sprinting With Scissors

2008-01-03T21:09:00.000Z

If, like me you are a massive geek (and chances are you are), then you love Sci-fi. This means you love Blade Runner and have been waiting for a good version of the film with decent extras since the creation of the DVD.

I got the Blade Runner boxset for Xmas. It's in a lovely metal tin an comes with 5 discs and 5 versions of the film, 3 commentaries and more extras than you can shake a stick at.

I have spent the past 2 days watching 4 versions of the film. I missed out the International Theatrical Cut.

The Theatrical Cut 1982

This version has the voice over and also the "happy ending". I have only seen this version twice. Once ages ago when I thought it was the directors and was very annoyed by the voice over and now just to remember it. I don't like this version as the voice over adds nothing and the ending bothers me. It just goes against the feel of the film.

The Directors Cut 1992

No voice over, and the real ending. This version also has the dream sequence, which to be honest has always confused me. This was the version I would tell people to watch as it had a better feel to it, and no bloody voice over.

Workprint 198(?)

This is the version that would have been shown to the test audience to see if the film was "marketable". So this is the version that confused the crap out of people. To be honest I REALLY liked it. Different music, kinda monk style singing, which was great. It does have a voice over, but only at the end on the roof, and it's longer than in the Theatrical version which I found odd. The only problem with this cut is that they haven't cleaned it up a lot. So you still have lots of too dark scenes where you can't really see whats happening, and sometimes it's grainy. But I loved this version.

Final Cut 2007

Yep, this is the one folks. It has everything. The footage has been cleaned brilliantly for a start. It has some of the Workprint soundtrack on it. There isn't really anything major that has been added, it's not the like Special Editions of Star Wars which added crap loads and make it look stupid. No all we have here, is a little bit extra on some scenes, for example when Deckard is talking to the Snake Maker the dialouge matches......for once. Also when the dove flies off at the end it flies off onto a decent backdrop, and not just a shot of looking up on an industrial site. There are better examples, but I don't want to post spoilers. Not yet anyway. There is only about 4 mins extra footage on this version, so there really isn't anything major that has been added.

It still has the dream sequence, which still confuses me.

If you are going to get the boxset, and I suggest you do, then you need to get the one with the workprint as that is a great version to have as well.

Major spoiler, Ridley Scott Explaining the dream. Cannot stress enough MAJOR SPOILER.

Still confuses me mind.

Xmas and New Years Post

2008-01-03T20:52:00.000Z

Hello folks, yes I survived th festive period but honestly only just.

It was a busy time with traveling to Stoke one day Crewe the next, that same day traveling to Middlesbrough, one day rest then back to Leicester, one more days rest before it was back to work.

But all told I enjoyed myself. I got lots of nice presents, which is always a nice bonus.

But we shall start at the beginning, The Amazing Sarah and I went to A Scally Mans wedding. It was a very nice affair. A great day was had by all, not to mention of course the Scally Man that got married, who for the first time since I have known him was unable to speak when he saw his bride. Very romantic and all that jazz. So jolly well done that man.

Next was off to The Amazing Sarahs parents house. I like visiting them, they are really nice people that are very down to earth and all are aces......apart from the little brother who kicked my ass at Fifa on his PS2. It was TAS' mums birthday on Xmas eve so we all went out for a drink for that and got pizza which I had a lot off, as I had to set a president for the Xmas dinner the next day.

Xmas day! I was woken up at 7.00am by the little brother. Cheeky little scamp was all excited and couldn't wait to see what Santa had brought. The Jolly old fat man had even managed to bring me a gift or two. The Amazing Sarahs family had got me the latest Ricky Gervais dvd, on the dvd was a sticker that you can write to and from to give it as a present. This sticker however was under the cellophane. But, The Amazing Sarah's family are so golden that they wrote ON the cellophane where the sticker was, because they are smart people and they know you leave that crap on till you are ready to watch the DVD. Brilliant.

After a stint there we came back to Leicester to pick up Jecka and had a bit of a rest. We watched the Dr Who special, Jecka cried. Then she went to bed.

Boxing Day (Jecka and My Xmas) The jolly fat man had been again, and to be fair had showered the little lady in gifts, all of which made it "The best day ever" for her. Mainly down to Dr Who dvd set and High School Musical dolls.

As for me I got:- Juggling clubs, Gremilns Boxset, Blade Runner Boxset (review to follow) and a brilliant camera. I also got money, some of which I have spent on a rowing machine.

New Years was a very little affair. Basiclly consisting of going to the pub for a few beers, then home to see the year in with the Take That special that was on. Shortly after which I passed out on the sofa. It was all far too much for me.

That is the long and short of it all.

Hope you also had a good time.

You Have Made The Naughty List

2007-12-18T22:19:00.000Z

So, I got The Amazing Sarah a good gift for Xmas.

I got it on E-bay.

It turned up a week after the seller said it would.

It wasn't what it is meant to be.

So much so, that it's a pirate copy.

Can't go into detail to much as I am trying to get a refund for it so that I can get the proper version. Just imagine my little face dropping and then turning into complete anger as I read the back

This product is copyrighted and is tro home use only

The seller is still trying to convince me that despite the bad spelling and wrong manufacturer on the case that it is just a "Non UK edition".

Wow "Non UK" never heard of that before. Yet, I can't find this exact box anywhere else.

In the words of every pimp in the world

GIVE ME MA DAMND MONEY FOO'

So I set about trying to find the new item for her lovliness' Xmas. I went to Amazon and found this.......for me. I was bought the first box set of X-files, and where I loved it, it wasn't everything I hoped for. You see, there are digi-pack versions of the cases that have 7 discs per series and lots of extras including commentares. Then they released new cases, the small video type with no commentaries. The latter are the ones in the first boxset.

However, this new boxset has all of the commentaries AND the film.

So, I have one box set. The first two series in digi-pack form.

This means I only have to buy, the new boxset, the film (as there is a good special edition out for it) and 7 series in digi-pack form. I can only get them on e-bay which puts me in a bit of a quandry, but I will sort that out soon enough.

Some people call me obsessive and stupid.

These people just don't understand, and I pity them.

The Man Is Golden

2007-12-07T22:09:00.000Z

Prepare yourself for arguably the funniest video ever made by anyone.......ever.

The Landlord

Sir? Please Stop Drooling

2007-12-04T10:17:00.000Z

I, like most of my good friends, am a massive fan of Futurama.

I have a couple of the toys. I have watched and re-watched all of the episodes and commentaries hundreds of times. I have listened to the commentaries that often that the other day while watching an episode on TV the other day I turned to The Amazing Sarah and quoted from the commentary. Because I'm a giant loser that's why! I even have a Futurama tattoo.

There were rumours at the beginning of the year that there was going to be a massive Futurama film. "Simpsons movie AND Futurama movie, truly the greatest year ever".

So, Mr David X Cohen are we getting a Futurama movie?

Mr Cohen "Nope, even better"

That ladies and gentlemen is the first of FOUR feature lenth episodes. Each will be released as it's own DVD. The rest will be folowing throughout 2008.

Kind of annoyingly this has once again put off my purchase of the lovely complete box set, as my series one and two have been watched that often that they are scrathced to buggery and don't work.

Click here to learn more about the new episodes of Futurama

Hopefully this means a new giant even lovelier box set wil come out.

Well that's Xmas 2008 for me sorted out then.

Over there.....past them trees

2007-11-24T17:02:00.000Z

With the festive period approaching I know that you all want to shower me with as many gifts as you can afford, by selling all of your internal organs.

I understand this.

It's because you love me.

Over on the right of this page you should see a link for Craig and his DVDisms. That link will lead you to all the dvd's I own (well some are missing because I have lent them out and can't remember the region) as well as a wishlist for me.

This has a lot of the DVD's that I need to become whole.

If you would like to cmpile a list like this yourself that would be helpful for me, because then I can work out excuses for why I didn't get you anything, and I can use the right gift that yu asked for.

It's the thought that counts.

Ramblings

2007-11-23T21:13:00.000Z

I have always been quite vocal about the odd people that I work with.

Some of them are odd, some are bizarre, some scare the crap out of me. The list is endless.

The other night I was offered a window into the mind of a crazy. I was handed a note that someone had started writing and yet had left behind. Perhaps on purpose. I'm not sure but the scrawlings n this little piece of paper scare me more than any nightmare I could ever have.

I have re-written the note for you below. Word for word. All spelling mistakes and grammar errors are theirs, as well as the madness.

In the beging their was life and in that life their was a gun and in that gun their was war and in that war their was Darth.

Holy Crap!

I mean wow.

First off it's there not their. I mean that's the basic one right there.

Also Christians, Hindus, Catholics....Hell everyone. You all got it wrong. First was life. Nothing else. Just life. Not sure what kind of life exactly, maybe spores, maybe indigenous. I don't know I'm not the expert here.

After life we had a gun apparently. But wait a second that gun.....it's inside life. So did everyone have guns sticking out of their chests? Because that would explain the next point about there being a war.

Think about it, everywhere you walk people would instantly ask "Are you pointing that thing at me?" and not in the way they ask Mr Trench that question these days.

But again we are faced with the issue that the war is inside the gun. No bullets, this is a war gun. It fires war at innocent people and gets them fighting good and proper.

Lastly we have Darth in the war. Now I always saw Darth Vader (I presume) as a kind of General that likes to stand at the back of everything and only really gets involved when some pip-squeak tries his luck and ends up getting his hand cut off.

He's not exactly a King Theoden (from the book not the film).

Anywho, there you have it folks, the ramblings of a real life looney. Lucky for me it was written in feces on the toilet wall, or even written in dead flies on the back of a post it. Just a simple little note, possibly a call for help.

Shame really cause now I'm too scared to go near the weirdo to help him out.

Bloody Goth Poetry.

Customer Service Announcment

2007-11-23T13:05:00.000Z

We apologise for the brief break in posting on this site.

Normal service will resume shortly.

Have some music to sooth you as you wait.

This Month I've Mostly Been Reading....

2007-11-08T18:57:00.000Z

Graphic novels/comics.

I am pretty ignorant of the comic world. I have some knowledge but it's not much. I can tell you that anything written by Alan Moore or Warren Ellis is going to be awesome. But that ends my knowledge.

So I turned to Col. Orange and asked him to help me out and make some recommendations of comics and things that I should read. He didn't do this. Instead he lent me 13 comic books to read. He lent me the first book only. The start of the story so I wasn't completely confused.

And I have reviewed them all for you.

Some spoilers.

Also if anything here is wrong, please feel free to let me know. I may have got a few things wrong as I am still learning.

Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life By Bryan Lee O'Malley

This is a book sized comic and is very funny. It's about Scott Pilgrim and his life......which is kinda precious and little. It's manga sorta style of pictures.

All about Scott Dreaming of a girl and then meeting her. He then tries his best to woo her, only to have to fight her ex-boyfriend. It's very funny and very much worth your time.

7/10

Supreme Power by Michael Straczynski, Gary Frank, Jon Sibal

Basically this is a different spin on some of the more famous of super heroes. We have different versions of Superman, Flash, Batman and The Green Lantern. This Superman has been brought up in quarantine and loves his Country, he is willing to do anything he is asked to do. He has been brought up watching the news and believing every word. Our new Flash is from a small town and wants to make some money to help out his mum. This Batman is a racist vigilante willing to go to any lengths to avenge his parents murder and this Green Lantern is a war vet that was testing out a new Government weapon but it all goes horribly wrong.

This is an awesome book and well worth getting into. Seriously. Just go and buy it. I have only read the first book but I am definately getting the rest. The writing the drawings, the use of the panels, everything was brilliant.

No joke

10/10

JLA Tower Of Babel By Mark Waid, Dan Curtis Johnson, Howard Porter, Drew Geraci

I'm really not into proper super heroes, and they kinda annoy me. Because every book is like and episode of Charmed.

1st Act: Something bad has happened, A, A new baddie has arrived or B, We have had our powers removed.

2nd Act: Working out how to resolve this.

3rd Act: Actually completing the above.

Same old same old. This story is about the baddies finding Batmans secret files on the rest of the JLA. In a preivous story the JLA had their bodies taken over, and after this Batman worked out ways to stop them all. He hid these files but not well enough. So it's all up to Batman to save everyone and then get them to help him after they find out how the Bad guys found out their weakness.

Not my cup of tea, but I can understand why other people like it.

5/10

The Courtyard By Alan Moore, Jacen Burrows, Anthony Johnson

The quote on the back of this book, "Alan Moore is among the very best writers of the last 20 years. Anthony Johnston is one of the best of the new generation of writers. Jacen Burrows is probably the best new artist of the last year. On the basis of the amassed talent alone, The Courtyard is explosive." Warren Ellis.

It's about an FBI agent on a stake out. There have been three very odd murders, all seeming to lead to one bar.

I really can't say more than that without giving the whole damned game away as it's not very long.

It's pant wettingly good though. One stand alone book.

It's also very trippy.

9/10

The Sandman Preludes & Nocurnes By Neil Gaimen, Sam Kieth, Mike Dringenberg, Malcolm Jones iii

Neil Gaimen writes a lot of books. He always seems to write about figures in literature that we all know for example Death, Bogeyman and The Sandman, but he gives them a personallity. By doing this he has allowed himself to break the original boundries that you had already made for that character. If you think about Death the being you have a picture of the black cloak and all that. But he makes Death a teen girl that's kinda sarcastic and dry, but still pretty cool. Now we have a character that can deal with situations in their own way as well as being Death.

The Sandman is a brillaint book that had me gripped from the beginning to the very end. I had to put it down every now and then to prolong the whole experience of reading it.

10/10

The Punisher Welcome Back Frank By Garth Ennis Steve Dillon, Jimmy Palmiotti

Senseless violence. Very funny. What more can I say. The Punisher goes around killing bad guys. It's great.

Honestly I can't say anything more.

9/10

DMZ On The Ground By Brian Wood, Riccardo Burcielli

America is in a Civil war and the divide of the country runs through Manhatten. A news team go into this no mans and while a cease fire is going on, only to get gunned down. Everyone dies apart from the Intern. So he is now in a war zone and able to write and produce stories from this area and let people know the truth about what is happening as he slowly discovers everything he has been told is a massive lie.

It's very good and very dirty and gritty with the illustrations, I really liked it.

8/10

100 Bullets First Shot Last Call By Brian Azzarello, Eduardo Risso

Quote from the back "Death, power, sex, money, secrets and bullets: these are the only things wroth talking about. That is why I buy 100 bullets." Warren Ellis.

It's about people that have served in prison or had their life ruined becuase they have been accused of a crime they have NOT committed. They are then released and approched by Agent Graves who gives them the truth and evidence to prove they were innocent and shows them the real guilty party. They are also given an untraceable gun and 100 bullets. They are above the law and can get away with anything they want. Hint hint, go and kill the person that stitched you up.

Very well written. Very comic-y drawings. I liked it.

8/10

Preacher Gone To Texas By Garth Ennis, Steve Dillon

This was great. Just a real treat, the sort of thing you can switch off and read. Just plain good old fun. I don't want to go into to greater detail as it will give the game away and I hate spoilers, but you should give this a shot.

Kevin Smith likes it, and so do I.

8/10

Adventures In The Rifle Brigade By Garth Ennis, Carlos Ezquerra.

Imagine all the war stories and comics of the olden times if they were really funny and this is what you have.

Proper laugh out loud moments all the way through. It's set during WW2 and follows the Rifle Brigade who are the only people able to carry out the mission.

It has me wanting to shout "Yer Aht Of Ordah" at everyone I pass.

Very British so I'm not sure how it works for overseas.

9/10

The Walking Dead By Robert Kirkman, Tony Moore

A cop is shot and wakes up God only knows how much long later in a coma. Only to find Zombies are everywhere. This sounds kinda familiar. Isn't this a movie? No it's not the original 28 Days Later. This has more story abut the people that have managed to survive and indeed continue to survive this horrible event. Lots of story and lots about the people and the situation rather than being all about shooting zombies.

Which is fine by me

7/10

Lucifer Devil In The Gateway By Mike Carey, Scott Hampton, Chris Weston, James Hodgkins, Warren Pleece, Dean Ormston

Much like Sandman, Lucifer has been given a personality and is pretty darn sarcastic, no shock there. Lucifer has quit Hell and runs a bar. Some years down the line he is given a job by God and is given the oppurtunity to name his price for the job.

Some of the stills in this book are beyond incredible, so much detail and an array of colours. Brilliant.

The writing helps bring alive all of the characters which as you can imagine are Demons, Angels and the like. Very good indeed.

8/10

Thunderbolts How To Lose or "Don't do this at home, Dog!" By John Arcudi

This follows the story of Daniel Axum. An ex supervillian that was defeated by Spiderman. He went to prison and is now out on parole where he is trying to sort his life out. With a crappy job he can hardly pay for the rent let alone the chld support to allow him to see his son. This is until he is brought int the world of underground fighting. Here we have mob bosses betting and competing against supervillians against each other in a way to make money.....lots of money.

Nicely written and well drawn. I read this the quickest.

7/10

I have also finished Chucks latest book Rant. Wich was good but did confuse the be-jesus out of me for a while. That's my excuse for taking so long to read it, and I'm sticking to it.

I am open for any more reccomendations.

If you want some suggestions then I'd call on Col. Orange or Trench.

So very full.........

2007-11-04T23:26:00.000Z

Yesterday was The Amazing Sarahs birthady and given the choice of anywhere to have lunch she chose Frankie and Benny's.

I have never been to this magical place but decided that it was going to be like the damned Hell Hole that is Hard Rock Cafe.

I once ventured into a Hard Rock Cafe in Amsterdam, it was a dive and very expensive. I wasn't impressed and I paid for a beer bucket only to be given bottled Lager and Lime which is a three word way of saying "I don't like the look of you and I have just urinated in your beer, you will taste it....well at least you will taste the ammonia".

Anyhoo......we went along and it's set out as an Italian/Amercian diner. You can see the chefs with their little hats working away and spitting in your food, which if they are going to do it I would like to know for a fact if they have or haven't then I can make my own mind up about eating it, which if I am paying for a meal means I am more than likey to eat it irrelevant. It's a realy nice place and I have been told that if you ask nicely they will come over and sing Happy Birthday to anyone.

I have to point out as well, that the meal I had was one of the best I have ever eaten. I had the Meatball Calzone. It was a meat pizza, correction a loaded meat pizza that's folded in half and baked. It's awesome.

I am a massive fan of food. I will eat anything, apart from things I am allergic to. But all food stuffs are good. I can't stand people that go on diets and deprive themselves of great food, why would you do this to yourself? I mean why would you acitvly choose to stop eating things that make you feel good? I can completely understand if it's a health thing......kinda. I mean stop eating fatty things if you have had a heart attack. But to be fair, you could just, oh I don't know, excercise some more and get away with eating whatever you want. Because to be fair if you excercise enough you can eat whatever you want.

I do plenty of running around at work, I don't think I am healthy in anyway, but it does burn off enough of the crap that I eat so that I can eat the crap and make myself happy.

Good food makes you feel good, it's that simple.

Don't belive me?

Well here is the proof.

Look how happy that burger has made him.

Look into those joyfilled eyes.

Seriously the more you zoom in on his eyes the funnier the picture is.

Do have to say sorry to him I guess, tell you what mate, come round, I'll make you a bad ass Thai Curry, with some warm Chocolate Fudge cake with cream afterwards.

See your smiling already.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T12:12:00.000Z

It's rolled round again, the second time of year that people can dress up as anything they want and get away with it. The first being Mardi Gras.

I'm not a massive fan of Halloween, sure it's fun to dress up and scare the be-jesus out of old folks, but it's just to easy.

The best thing to do really is get a load of people round lots of sugar based snacks and watch some seriously scary films.

idontlikeithere reccommends:-

Ringu
Dark Water
Leprechaun
Hostel
Maniac Cop

Leprechaun and Maniac Cop not scary, but lots of fun, and isn't that the whole idea?

So, have a good evening folks and spare a thought of me dressed up at work as a Zombie.

Also, have some youtubeination

What A Pro

2007-10-14T18:28:00.000+01:00

I'm glad to see that there are still some people out there, that no matter what, they will get the job done.

I tell ya, if the crap on Channel 5 was one tenth that entertaining I would watch it. There is no way they can guarantee that thought.

Unless it's a programme about stapling and glueing things to Matthew Wrights smug dumb shit face.

What? Dislike him? Nah, he is very good at changing his opinion in a heartbeat to wind up whoever he is talking to, without ever expressing his own opinion.

I respect that.

*cough*

Working Hard

2007-10-14T13:02:00.000+01:00

I'm so bloody tired, it's going to kill me.

I've been doing crap loads at work recently. I had a review which means I got a lot of work to do to get promoted. I like money and power and women. You get all of those things if you get promoted, so stay in school kids and that'll make getting promoted nice and easy.

I have spent the morning writing a report for work. It's over 4,000 words long and has graphs and all sorts. I feel like such a grown up having done it.

But like all work, it was pretty boring stuff. So I needed a break everynow and then.

Well, I'll tell you exactly what gave me the drive.

Here are my muses for this morning.

1, Trenchblog

I could spend all day reading everything on this site from now until I die and beynd and I would never get bored.

2, Randomlinkage

Again a brilliant site, that is run like a poetic comedy cruise ship with a destination of Randomness.

3, Kelly's Blog

Yes another blog. It's Kelly and she's aces. Good writing and art galore are sure to follow.

That's what I have been looking at.

I have been listening to Pearl Jam and Kings Of Leon.

KOL are very good, and I recommend that you all give the 2nd album Aha Shake Heartbreak a go as its truely golden.

That's all for now, I'm going to climb under a rock and hide away from it all for a little while.

Tell Me All

2007-10-06T13:51:00.000+01:00

If you are like me, then you sometimes sit back and try and work out where sayings originate from.

"It's raining cats and dogs" for example makes very little sense and upon hearing it you have to question who said that first, why, and how the hell did it catch on.

Well I am hopefully going to help you out with at least one of these silly sayings.

Spill The Beans

Back in Med-evil times messengers were given a tin to guard with their very lives. It was sealed tight, and could only be opened by the little fidgity key that was hidden somewhere on the messenger. Most likely in their shoe which was smelly from all the running that they did, so no-one ever wanted to go in to their smelly potato sacks that were their shoes and get the damned key.

Inside the tin were hundreds and sometimes thousands of little beans. Normally a Vicia bean. On each of these beans was written a single word. The messenger would get to his destination would walk up to the King, the Pope or occasionally the Court Jester if he was carrying a joke, and he would reach deep in to his potato sack shoe, unlock the tin and pour out the beans. It would be up to the receiver of the message to arrange it to make sense.

Sometimes this didn't quite work out and mistakes would happen, that's why there was The Battle Of Hastings, The Persian Invasion Of Greece, and The French.

As you can possibly imagine, the messages were sometimes so brain meltingly important that you would come across a Highway-man desperate to find out what secrets you held within your tin. Of course not wanting to go near your filthy feet, and possibly catching the Bad Aids in the process, he would order you to open the tin of wordy beans and spread them for all to see and try and work out the code. That is an awfully long sentence and not all that threatening so they would just scream in a shrill voice

SPILL THE BEANS

So there you go. I hope you have learned something today.

And remember when some asks you to spill the beans they are threatening you, and you are legally allowed to defend yourself by rubbing your feet on them.

The more you know.

That's That Then

2007-10-04T00:46:00.000+01:00

Well that's Xmas sorted for everyone then.

Feeling Blue

2007-10-02T20:01:00.000+01:00

Last week I had a meeting with some HR guy. It was called my "Insights" meeting. This is where I find out what sort of manager I am. It's a little New Agey and Mood-ring-y for my liking but very interesting never the less.

There are four colours

Red = Firey, basically will kill you in a heartbeat for the sheer fun of it. AKA a real bastard.

Yellow = Fun and very light hearted, just wants to enjoy themselves and makes sure that others are enjoying themselves.

Green = A motivator, just like Mr Motivator. Has an idea and creates a lot and tries to get lots of others involved and wants everyone to work together in sweet harmony.

Blue = Is very number based, likes working on computers and dealing with excel and the like. Doesn't give 2 hoots about you or your feelings.

It doesn't take much to work out that I am a blue. I was given a report that is 40 pages long all about me and what I am like. It explains to the reader how to communicate with me and what not to do when communicating with me. It also out lines how to motivate me and basically everything you could ever want to know about me with regards to work.

The best bit is how to and not to communicate with me. Below are what they say....and the exlplination

When communicating with Craigy:

Use humour...in moderation.

Have a joke, but not at my expense for fear of my wrath

Give him all the facts

Help me to help you

Respect his position.

Respect my authorit-ah

Respect his need to be alone for extended periods.

You make me so angry that if I see you again, I'm going to go to prison.

Stay a reasonable distance away - don't invade his space.

This is a hug free zone. DON'T EVER TOUCH ME.

When communicating with Craigy DO NOT

Jump to the next subject until he is ready

Woah, woah, woah. Who did what with the when now?

Waffle

English mother f*&%er do you speak it?

Argue or personalise the conversation.

I'm right, and I don't care about you.

Spend to much time talking, he is much more impressed with your actions.

Dance monkey, DANCE!

Reinforce his own self criticism.

Yes, I'm delicate.....you know like emtionally and shit

Again some of it is true and some of it is complete nonsense, but it's interesting either way.

The Iron Giant

2007-09-11T21:29:00.000+01:00

Comic book films can sometimes.....well most times be a bit crap really. Don't get me wrong I love going to see them, but it's when they have been done wrong it can really piss you off.

I might just be a complete loser but I am very much so looking forward to Iron Man.

I'm not an Iron Man fan, but Robert Downey Jr is his usual funny self and John Favreau is directing so it's gotta be good.

Right?

Making The Mundane........Neat

2007-09-04T21:42:00.000+01:00

I'm still trying to get used to this whole not living at home thingy.

The main thing that still confuses me the most is going food shopping. Things that I expect to be really expensive aren't and things I think would be cheap, well you guessed it, they are way to bloody expensive.

I remember a long time ago having a very wasted conversation with Col. and Trench. Well I say I remember it, I can actually only remember one line from it.

Trench: I can't move out, I don't even know how much eggs are.

Classic Trench.

But as I walk around Asda and the like I am lost as a child when I look at the price of things.

Also I am the worst person to go shopping with, as the second I step foot into any shop I instantly forget why I am there and end up buying crap.

Today I remembered that I was going in to the shop to get dinner for the next couple of days. I needed to get some potatoes. The Amazing Sarah and I started off buying small potatoes until we found out that we used half the damned bag each time we cooked. So we started getting bigger and bigger bags of potatoes. We mainly started getting these because they were on offer for about 99p.

I went shopping un-supervised and stood looking at all the different types of potatoes, the differing sizes of bags, all the colours and the odd thing that is a "Sweet" potato.

Then I spotted the bag that I would have to have.

5Kg of potatoes.

The price?

₤1.76.

Mental.

I know it's really sad, but I got pretty excited at the prospect of having so many potatoes for such a small price.

Even if the damned bag did break the zip on my back-pack.

Still have no damned idea about the price of eggs mind you.

Lets Get Xtreme

2007-08-30T01:29:00.000+01:00

(Quick note folks, comments are now sorted. Sorry bout that.)

People get bored very easily. I'm sure you have already zoned out and are looking at that shiny thing out of the window already, but that's not going to stop me.

Have you all noticed how things get knocked up a notch *BAM* and then they become more appealing?

You have?

Well then I'd like to talk to you about the Bible. Dull boring Bible, so long and boring that they make it the only reading material in hotels in the hope that you will start reading it on the crapper.

Will it's time for the Bible to have an XX(L)treme make over.

The Manga Bible

Aren't kids that read these books going to be a little disappointed when they discover that David killed Goliath with a stone and not a fire ball?

But I guess the core of Manga is there, guy with massive powers roams the place kicking ass and doing impossible shit.

I'm personally waiting for the movie version.

*deep voice*

"This Summer, He has come from above."
*flash of a guy in the desert*
"He is the light for the world"
*Flash of water turning into wine*
"He will heal you."
*Small segment of a guy running*
"He" *someones feet in sandals*
"is" *moves up their legs*
"Gonna" *Camera cntinues to move up, going across a buff stomach*
"kick" *flash of manly chest*
"your" *flash of massive arms*
"ass" *We finally see that Manga Jesus is played by Henry Rollins.

I would pay to see that film.

Especially if Manga Jesus Henry Rollins had fire ball powers.

Well That Put A Smile On My Face

2007-08-28T21:42:00.000+01:00

Today is payday, I had to go into the banks and what not to pay all the bills and generally watch my money vanish before me.

I thought to myself I will get a CD.

I am a big fan of Scrubs, and was looking through the soundtrack listing on the site, when I found out that "Ted's" band have a CD out. It's a cappella, and generally good fun stuff.

Their site recommends CD Baby. So I thought I'll give them a try. I'm glad I did.

The price is what you would expect for a CD from a shop, but the e-mail they sent me to tell me my CD had been posted was awesome.

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Tuesday, August 28th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000

I sent a reply telling them that I really like the e-mail, and also pointed out that I was looking forward to getting my golden CD case. But......

Hi Craig,

We're totally sending it in a gold box. Although I have heard that the post office is onto us and a lot of our dear customers don't receive the box. Those punks!

Have a great day!
:)
Celia

CD Baby - Celia http://cdbaby.com/ 5925 NE 80 Ave Portland OR 97218-2891 orders@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000

Brilliant. I'm easily impressed, and this little touch (of having someone with a sense of humour writing the e-mails, and then having someone reply to me) is great and really made me smile an idiot for hours.

So I fully endorse this service and or product

Come On In

2007-08-28T18:43:00.000+01:00

It's taken me a little while, but I have sorted out a kind of video of the flap.

The Amazing Sarah and I talked about having a house warming party, but we decided against it as we don't really know that many people. It would basically consist of my friends coming round and us playing Metal Slug on the X-Box, and then of course all of Sarah's friends asking her why the hell she is with me.

They should just thank their lucky stars that I would actually be bothered enough to get dressed when they turned up. My house my rules.

Here is the video (of sorts), set to Ben Folds singing Golden Slumbers.

Enjoy

Must......not....kill........self!

2007-08-27T10:29:00.000+01:00

I was woken up today by the noisy neighbours playing Karma Police by Radiohead very loudly.

I am not a happy bunny right now.

I don't like these neighbours.

Michael Bay, how I hate thee let me count the ways

2007-08-24T21:39:00.000+01:00

Lets get this straight.

Everything Michael Bay touches turns to crap. The man just can't do anything right.

Transformers is a big dumb film. If that's what you want then run and see it. If, however, you were wanting something a bit more and something good, then maybe hold off for the DVD release......unless you have a blu-ray player.

Now I'm not sure what sane person has a blu-ray player. The only people that I can imagine have them, are the idiots that have gone and bought a PS3, of which I hope no-one did.

The only person that I know that wants a PS3 is my brother, and well he's just not right in the head.

The Times has reported that Michael Bay posted on his website whining and bitching about Paramount, and in one amazing sentence everything seemed good in the world. It seem's that he was having dinner with friends and they were complaining that Transformers wasn't going to get a Blu-ray release, it's only coming out on DVD and HD-DVD. This made the Bay get angry, and when Bay gets angry he gets drunk, and when he gets drunk......well he throws his toys out of his pram and whinges to the world.

"Paramount pisses me off, I want to people to see my movies in the best formats possible. For them to deny people who have Blu-ray sucks!"

Well Bay, you want people to see your movies. Well we disagree there but lets continue. Lets take a trip to amazon.com (product placement in hope of free shit) I searched for HD-DVD player. The first one I got was this one. That's just the $238 then. How about a Blu-ray player then? $483, are you crazy? Now I am sure that if you hunt around that you will find players for cheaper than that, but these are the expensive ones that are at the top of the list on amazon.com (what a great site, *wink*) Who in their right mind is going to pay that bloody much for a player to watch a Michael Bay film? I hope no-one.

Mr Bay also went on to say....

"No Transformers 2 for me!"

Don't fuck with me Bay. That's not funny. Transformers 2 is a pointless film really, but in the right hands, it could maybe be good.

But alas, the very next day he wrote a retraction......and went on to say how HD-DVD is really good and that people should maybe get those players, because they are cheaper and very good quality.

I will be buying HD-DVD stuff eventually. It's a good price and its good stuff. I will most likely never own another Sony item in my life, I hope.

Well maybe a PS2, cause Tekken is bad ass.

I Come From De Udder Side.....

2007-08-20T21:09:00.000+01:00

Hello peoples!

I have returned and am here once again to help keep you entertained and feeling better about yourselves. Its a dirty job but someone has to do it.

I now have the Internet here at my new home. I can't get the frickin wireless connection to start but I can live with it wired in for a little while I guess.

So much has changed since I was "properly" online. I have moved home, I have been on holiday and I have stabbed myself.

The move was aces, with the help of Col. O, Trench, Dave and his other half we moved without an issue. Everything is set up and looking very cool indeed. Expect pictures and video soon.

Holiday was also very good, Minehead is a shit hole, but that's not important. You know an area is pretty crappy when the main attraction is the local Tesco. Not even a good Tesco. Jecka had an absolute blast on holiday. We laughed and hung out and basically chilled out. The week gave more evidence to the fact that Jecka is the coolest person alive.

Whilst watching Die Another Day, Jecka had her very first Missty moment.

James Bond and Bad Guy are about to fence and they are discussing the wager, in this case a very precious diamond.

Bad guy: Well it looks like you are going to loose something very valuable to you....
Jecka: Your dignity.

The girl is quality.

She also has an amazing ability to finish sentences in films. At 7 she already has a very good idea of where a story is going and where we are in each scene.

What? Oh yes I did say I stabbed myself. Really? You want to hear about that.....ok then.

We had a self catering room, which meant that they supply you with knives and forks and the like and you have to get your own food and cook it and prod it etc. The only food preparation knife we had was a blunt bread knife that made making potatoes very difficult. So I suggested going to Tesco and buying a vegetable knife.

We got one, the blade is about 2 inches long. Knife's as you may or may not know, come in little plastic boxes, the blade incased inside it and the handle sticking out. When we got back to the room I rushed to get the knife out and realised that we didn't have any damnded scissors to get the knife from its plastic cage.

"Maybe if I twist the knife and cut through the box?" I thought. It seemed to make perfect sense.

Please note that the following happened in split seconds.

I pushed the handle hard to get the knife to pierce the box and cut it free, without me realising the knife slashed through the box like a hot knife through butter. The knife didn't stop there and before I saw where the sharp blade had gone I heard a THUD at my sternum, I look down and the blade is at my chest with MY FUCKING HAND PUSHING IT. I, for want of a better and more accurate word, freak out and throw the knife away and leap across the room shouting and swearing. I take my t-shirt off (easy ladies) and check my chest for blood. It takes a little while but then the blood starts to come......out of the most pathetic hole in my sternum that anyone ever saw.

My hands were shaking for ages afterwards, but I have to admit that I found it all very funny.

On a slightly different note, before I went on holiday I had a phone call at work from some guy asking me to buy his cleaning supplies. I told him he could go crazy and send a catalouge, just because I wanted to let him feel like he got somewhere.

Bloke on the phone: You going out this weekend?
Craigy: Nope, I'm going on holiday soon, so have to save the pennies.
Bloke: What do you drink?
Craigy:.....beer......
Bloke: Drink any spirits at all?
Craigy: Err.....yeah, bourbon, whiskey stuff like that.
Bloke: So Glenfiddich and the like?
Craigy: Sure
Bloke: I'll see if I can get some for you then.

I thought he was messing with me......until I went to work today and there was a package for me. Yep, you guessed it, a bottle of Glenfiddich. Just for telling some guy that I might buy his cleaning products, which we never will cause the company has its suppliers and isn't likely to change......but still free whiskey!

To sum up my 3-4 week hiatus, I will give you the lessons that I have learned.

1, Minehead is small and crappy.

2, People that wear red coats in Minehead are way to fucking happy.

3, Everyone that doesn't work at Butlins Minehead is Welsh.

4, Everyone that doesn't work at Butlins Minehead is a chav.

5, Only exceptions are The Amazing Sarah, Jecka and me.

6, I don't like: - annoying people, chav's, people that are way to fucking happy and the Welsh.

7, You can stab yourself in the sternum and live.

8, You can spill coffee on your new carpet as long as the carpet is a dirty cream colour and get away with it.

9, You can spend more than 4 hours trying to organise your DVD collection and still not find a place for I-Spy.

10, You can drive for 5 hours and spend the whole week very happy and content and when yo are at your most relaxed some idiot customer from back home will feel the need to come over and talk to you.

All in all folks, I will be here more often from now on, so fear not.

Catch you all soon, You stay classy.

Hello, From The Abyss

2007-08-09T14:40:00.000+01:00

Howdy folks.

Good news, I'm still technically and most importantly legally alive.

I have seen some brilliant stuff this week. A motorbike chase between Mods and superbikes, a random mum stop and shout at a driver, some mentals at the local Asda get VERY excited and angry about getting a trolley and many more wonderous things.

I am currently sat in the public library on the piggin internet of which I have very little time left.

We now have Sky at the flap and should be getting the internet in about 10 days.

I have gone without the inter-tweb for just over a week and have the shakes almost constantly, I think I can get by with the the WAP on my phone. Its like the methadone of the interweb.

But tomorrow I am going to Butlins and there should be another Weber-net place where I can sit for hours and catch up on all the stuff thats important......Like randomlinkage.com.

All for now.

Transmission ends.

I'm going out now......

2007-07-31T01:25:00.000+01:00

Hello good people,

In but a few hours I will be loading all of my worldly possesions into the back of a van and moving home.

I say worldly possesions, I actually threw everything I own out so that I can make space for all of my DVD's. I have no less than 5 boxes that I would defend with my life (4 for dvd's and one for my lovely Sony DVD ((product placement should get me a kick ass TV......right?)))

The only issue with the new home is that the internet is not yet sorted so that means that I will not be around for an indefinte amount of time. I know I know that makes you sad. But keep your chin up, it'll all be good in the end, I shall return with stories of the new home...........complete with......

Stories of the bidet kind.

Yes my new Flap (it's how Jecka says flat) has a bidet. I haven't used it yet. But i will. The oddest thing about the said item is that it has a plug. I mean who in God's name wants to have THAT kind of water floating around?

I know what type of person, and I am quite frankly not that person.

I shall be back as soon as I can folks.

Until my return enjoy as many movies as you can, thanks to the 5secondmovies on youtube.

I have so many favourites is hard to choose.

Impressive Youtube-ation

2007-07-13T22:19:00.000+01:00

I love simple music video's.

I have many favourites.

But here are but a few for you good people.

Daft Punk

Ok Go "Get over It"

Ok Go "Here It Goes Again"

And only because I found it again

Will Ferrell AND Jack Black presenting an award at the oscars.

The Problems With Abbreviations

2007-07-13T22:01:00.000+01:00

Went to the local supermakt the other night after work. The Amazing Sarah and I often go after work as the shop is open 24hours and we can slowly walk around and take our time with everything.

I started looking at the kitchen stuff. Sarah has a toaster, but we often have crumpets and other toasted items in the morning that are hard to reach, so I started thinking that we needed some tongs.

I spotted a hanging rack for utensils and thought it would be good for all things cookery. I picked p some tongs, a spoon, a spoon with holes, a potato peeler, a spaghetti measurer and a few other things.

Thats the main issue I have with shopping, I go for one thing and then I realise "Holy crap how have I lived wihout this useless thing?"

We eventually finish our shopping and head to the checkouts. We like the scan yourself checkout things as they are much easier and you don't make a fool of yourself whle talking to the checkout person.

The ones at this particular shop will speak to you and tell you the price of the item scanned, it will also display an abbreviation of the item.

For example:

Bottle Opener becomes Bottle Openr
A Cadbury's Twirl becomes Cad Twirl

and a Spaghetti Measure becomes.................a Spag Measure.

I am so glad that the shop was next to deserted as I just about wet myself laughing at that one.

My guilt only lessened when one of the workers that operates the main computer for all of this machinery came over and asked, "Are you laughing at the same thing as me? The Spag Measure?"

Yes I was.

Its Ok I'm Right Here

2007-07-10T18:32:00.000+01:00

Hello devoted reader, I love you. I just needed you to know that.

I have not been around much I know, please let me finish, I have been busy. Well that's a lie, I've been at work a lot. I have also been trying to make my DVD collection even more impressive. And that's a challenge in its self.

I have recently bought:-

A Few Good Men

Just for ol' Jack

Casablanca

Cause its awesome.

The Big Lebowski

Cause Trench Says its awesome.

L.A Confidential

Cause Col. Says its awesome.

Jackass boxset

It has commentaries (which are pretty poor, but have some good moments).

Cube Boxset

For those Hyper Cube days.

The Birds

I have never seen it and its meant to be aces.

Police Squad Complete Series

Its POLICE SQUAD!

Bill Bailey Boxset

Cause he's really funny.

Snakes On A Plane

Dumb, good fun.

Wall Street

"I loved you in Wall Street" no other reason.

Goodfellas 2 Disc

Because ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a gangsta......

The Bourne Identity

Its meant to be good.

Other than that I have been busy organising all of my things. Because you see reader, I have met someone. Someone with whom I might actually be able to take over the world and melt peoples frontal lobes with my superior mind.

She is of course The Amazing Sarah.

I shall be moving HQ at the end of the month. The Amazing Sarah and I were able to kick Batman out of his cave, because after all he isn't a "real" super hero. *wink*

So we have been buying things we need to live. So T.A.S bought a phone, and I bought a manly wok.

No need for anyother cooking appliance.

Well maybe a George Forman Grill,

and a smoothie maker would be nice,

but this Smeg fridge would be golden.

Come on, you owe me. I told you I love you, that costs money my friend

The More You Know

2007-07-09T00:29:00.000+01:00

Pikelet's.

They're like scotch pancakes made out of crumpets. They're bloody lovely.

End Transmission

He Said Do What With The Who Now?

2007-06-16T23:14:00.000+01:00

I, like many people, love music.

I love my iPod as t lets me go crazy and listen to what ever I want where ever I am. Its not the Ipod that I love, but more the technology that is MP3's, that I can take near enough 4000 songs with me where ever I am that I love.

The band that gets listened to the most, I'm sure is no surprise, is Pearl Jam. They are brilliant.

Witness their awesomeness

Now when Eddie Vedder joined Pearl Jam he had to write lyrics for some songs and sing them as his audition. He wrote the lyrics for Alive, Once and Footsteps. They liked what they heard and hired him.

Once during a "jamming" session they were playing Yellow Ledbetter, which happens to be one of my favourite songs. I have no idea what its about, and have trouble hearing the lyrics. Eddie Vedder has even admitted that he made the lyrics up on the spot and has tried to keep true to them, but has no idea what the song is about.

That would help explain this.

If you are interested in the "correct" lyrics

But really, they are made up nonsense, but thats one amazing song.

Tasty Circuit Boards

2007-06-09T00:23:00.000+01:00

Beer adverts are always the best.

But I love this one.

Its the robot at the end

"He's not wrong".

Makes me giggle like an idiot every time.

Not gonna buy the product mind, if I want beer I'll have beer. Not bloody half strenth crap, whats the point.

Start With Two Balls

2007-06-08T23:58:00.000+01:00

Last weekend Jecka and I went shopping for some outdoor games. Now the the weather is getting better I thought she might like to get a football, or perhaps something a little more girly like a "Netball".

Anyway we were looking at all of the items, and she said she would like the baseball bat and ball set, as well as a little football. All fine by me. Damned cricket sets were to big for her......but I'll keep looking for those.

As we were still walking around the toy shop Jecka noticed a Hula-Hoop and asked if she could have that as well. She shwed me her "mad skillz" and I couldn't deny that the girl did indeed have "game".

"But if you get that, what will I get myself?"

She looked around for a little bit then pointed ut some juggling balls.

"Really? But I can't even juggle"

Her reply.....

"Learn"

Wow, that was really deep. In one word she incorporated all the other age old mantra's "Journey of a millions miles begins with a single step" "May our studying be enlightening" "everyman should strive to learn something new each day" "Quit yo jibba jabba foo'" etc

So I bought the damned juggling balls.

I could only ever do two at a time before.......but as you can see that's past tense. I have been taking every spare moment I can to try my best to lean to juggle, and am now pretty confident with three.

I am going to buy another pack, so that I will be able to go up to 4.

But then again, no need to go up to four.

Three is still pretty impressive.

insert correct word here

2007-06-06T20:39:00.000+01:00

I used to take great joy in listening to people waffle on, and used to really enjoy listening to grown people trying to create a sentence and having difficulty with it.

But the more I listen.........the more its starting to get to me.

The main word I can't stand people using is "ironic".

Lets get this out of the way straight away, Alanis Morisette's song Ironic. The only thing thats ironic about it is that the person singing has no idea what irony is. It's not ironic in the slightest. Its Happenstance, alright.

The more I hear people using the word ironic incorrectly the more I die a little.

Actual conversation.

Customer: There was a guy at another bingo place I go to, he's a tuck driver, and he was winning all the time one day.
Craigy: Right...
Customer: You wanna know the ironic thing?
Craigy *smiling* sure...
Cstomer: A week later.....he was dead.

I was incredibly confused by this and just sort of looked blankly at her. Had he died by lots of winning bingo tickets faling on him. Maybe he received many paper cuts from all of his winnings and over the course of the week bled to death.

There is a person at work that kinda looks like Gollum, he's not the brightest person in the world and I love picking on him when he doesn't realise it.

I do this by using big words that he has no idea what they mean. The game I am playing with Sarah and Gollum (without him knowing) is that we have to use a word in conversation with him and see if he questions it. Extra points for not using the correct word and not having it questioned. Extra extra points for, him then using the in-correct word in the wrong way.

Incredibly cruel I'm sure........perhaps its ironic...........then again maybe not.

I will keep an up t dae list of words that I have used and he hasn't understood.

1, Hypothetically

Arrrrrrrrrr Me Hearty's Spoilers Ahead

2007-05-30T19:18:00.000+01:00

Went to see Pirates of The Caribean at the weekend.

What can I say about it.........well not much really, apart from its crap.

Sorry if I have ruined this for anyone, but if you hadn't heard its cra by now then I am guessing you have your head buried in the sand, with your eyes closed your fingers in your ears humming Cars by Gary Numan.

It is the exact same film as the other two. Now I loved the first film. I mean I loved it. I think that it was because you had no idea what to expect from it. But after two films now you are expecting the magic from the first film back, and sadly you do not get that at all.

I will no list all things wrong with the film,

1, To many stories. Everyone in this film has a story and a plot line and also a hidden agenda. Its relentless. Everyone is double crossing everyone to the point where you no longer care.

2, Orlando Bloom is blander than a bowl of boiled rice and boiled chicken. Now thats bland eating, but he beats it in the bland battle. He can't act and is basically just there for the ladies, which is kinda pointle when you also have Johnny Depp in the film.

3, Too long. Too many stories for too many characters makes the film 5 times longer than it has to be.

4, The budget. Now this was an expensive film to make ($200,000,000 trivia fans) and you have to ask wher the buggery they spent it. Unlike the first two there ar no massive set pieces. There are boats and CG a'hoy but still where did the money go?

5, No fun. The first one was great because it was fnny and fun and everything you would want from a film. After seeing Curse of the Black Pearl the Thursday Night Film Crew were more than happy and cheery. This was not the case for two of us walking out of the third.

On the upside Geoffrey Rush is brilliant and the last 30 mins are aces.

Thats it mind.

Don't believe me?

The Amazing Sarah's little brother walked out off the film half way through.

What you want more proof. If you don't listen to me then listen to........

The Ninja!

ALSO WHAT EVER YOU DO DON'T STAY To WATCH THE CRAP AT THE END OF THE CREDITS.

ITS NOT WORTH IT.

Actually "Its not worth it" should be the tagline for the film.......and Orlando Bloom's acting career

Don't Do That

2007-05-18T14:27:00.000+01:00

Things I have learnt recently that I maybe shouldn't have done.

1, When cooking a stir fry with your other half at no point should you pick up the ready to cook noodles and ask them

"Are you weady to wok?"

2, There is an advert in America about some Gillette product. There is a guy on this advert that looks way to amazed when he spots a bluetooth headset. You should never look completely amazed at people wearing bluetooth headsets.

3, This rule especially applies when you are on the motorway and you pull this overly amazed face at the people in passing cars. It puts them off.

4, When your other half has a bad dream and then becomes restless you should try and limit how much you comfort them. They might elbow you in the head for your efforts!

You live you learn.

Who Let You Out?

2007-05-05T22:15:00.002+01:00

Last night was the works outting.

We went to a little Hell hole called Zanzibar. It really is one of the worst places on the face of the planet.

So anyway off we go. its me, The Amazing Sarah, Cobbers, bazz and C. we had already met up, played some pool and had a few drinks. We were in a fine mood to have a fine time.

We had all got tickets that would let us que jump once we got to the club. These tickets ran out at 11:30 and we got there at about 11:20. So we walk up to the front, and are told to join a que.

"No, we have que jumping tickets"

"There are two ques, one for everyone, and one for que jumpers."

Now surely the very notion of a que for que jumpers should make the Universe implode in a state of confusion, but luckily it didn't as it seems there are more dumb people in the world and it doesn't bother them.

So we get in eventually after listening to the guy infront tell his friends how "last week I had 18 pints before I even left house". I'm not going to pass comment on that statement but we are all thinking the same damn thing.

We get in and fun is had by all.

Almost, one person turned up that shouldn't have. J*cough*twat*cough*, threatened me and M and was then kicked out. Not going into great detail about it, cause he's not worth it. One thing that was funny was his threat about me to Cobbers, "Tell him if I don't see him outside, then I know where he lives."

Brill, I know where you live as well matey.

But apart from that it was a good night.

Took Jecka to the cinema today as well. We went to see Spider-man 3.

It's very average.

But thats aside from the point.

Its the noisy gits that were sat near us that annoyed the crap out of me.

The noisy gits that bullied a couple into moving so that they could all sit together and presumably hold hands in a long chain.

I shhushed them twice and they didn't get the hint, so I loudly told them to "Shut up" and they did. I hate noisy people in the cinema, it really bugs me.

So for everyone's benefit here is a list of do's and don'ts for the cinema trip.

Feel free to print this off and pin them to the fore head of the next person that goes against them.

1, Shut the fuck up

2, You are told to switch your phone on to silent. Please do this, or switch it off.

3, When picking your seat you walk up the stairs find a seat and sit down. Once you have gone up the steps you can't go back as it annoys people. Pick a seat and seat down. No changing your mind.

4, Shut the fuck up.

5, Yes you are a popular bunny, but if you're phone goes off (when on silent) you can check it, but unless its important or an emergancy, put it back in your damn pocket right away.

6, Open your crisps, sweets and the like early on. I mean during the adverts, not the trailers because some people like them. Your noise is ruining it for everyone else.

7, If you paid to have the premiuum seats then go straight to the back. If you didn't pay for them, then don't even think about going toward them.

8, If you are likely to need the toilet, then sit near the damn aisle so that you again don't piss off everyone you pass.

9, Shut the fuck up.

10, It doesn't matter if YOU think the emotional scene is funny. Keep to the mood of whats on screen. You laughing when you shouldn't can and will ruin the mood for someone.

Now I have been guilty of a few of these. But I always try and keep my voice down.

Unless its a good comedy, then I laugh my ass off.

Because I have an annoying laugh and I know it. But I don't care.

*thumbs up*

Kids REALLY Do Say The Darndest Things

2007-04-17T12:56:00.001+01:00

So I went to Jecka's birthday party the other day. She has a friend, he's a boy.

He's..............special. I think he will really like the Village People when he grows up *wink* if you get my drift.

Anyway, this odd little boy is the proud person that has said The Most Random And Odd Comment Ever to me.

We are sat at a long table. I got to sit with the kids(which suited me fine because it meant I got all of the leftovers and no-one could see me to give me any grief.

He keeps calling me to get my attention, but I was talking to Jecka, I finish talking to her and turn to him.

Odd Little Child: Jessica's dad?
Jecka's dad (Me): Yep?
OLC:: Some people believe in war.
Me:*tryin not to look scared or laugh* err............do you?
OLC *shrugs*

Thus ended our amazing conversation.

This kid is going to be around for a long time, I can tell.

Right Here Right Now

2007-04-10T23:57:00.000+01:00

There is something magic in the universe.

It's out there, helping you out every now and then and you don't even know it.

Like me walking down to the local Tesco and literally walking side by side with Trench (whom I hadn't seen in months) and actually getting to see him.

Or like Trench going to the middle of no where to pick up a package ("Whats in the baaaaahhhhhh-x" ((yes everything comes down to a film)) ) and bumping into Dodd, for now bloody reason at all.

Well, I went with Mother Dear to Morrisons store, to get my suits dry cleaned. She had gone ahead to get something to go with the turkey for dinner while I sorted all of the dry cleaning gubbins out.

I later catch up with her and we walk about.

We make our way to the DVD bit.

Hang on is that? My goodness it is.

I bought Monk Season 3 for £5.99.

The one and only copy of it.

As soon as I got home I checked it out on imdb and amazon and its right, the whole damn series, for a tiny sum of money.

That my dear friends in UN-beatable value!

If I had not dug my suits out, I wouldn't have realised I needed to get them dry cleaned, I wouldn't have asked mother to take me to Morrisons and some other geek would be writing a blog about his great purchase.......makes you think huh?

Nah me neither, but I had nothing else to write about.

Observations From NY

2007-04-03T18:51:00.000+01:00

Hello, yes yes calm down I have returned.

My you are like an excited little puppy aren't you..........please stop doing that to my leg.

There is so much to tell from my trip to The Americas that I have decided to break it up.

This one will be observations, the next will be tales. Hopefully through reading these you will be able to experience NY from the comfort of your own home.

Observation 1

Crossing the street.

This is the most important, insane and possibly memorable part of the holiday. Normal system in the UK for crossing with lights is, you press the button wait for the green man. Once he has appeared to you, you may safely cross the road. Simple.

In NY this is not the case. You either have a red hand which is a stop sign. Or a white person that is walking which means that you can cross the road. Now all crossings in NY are cross roads. So you would think that all traffic would stop when the man appears to allow you to cross, but this is not the case. The direct traffic is stopped, but any car wishing to turn onto the road you are crossing is allowed to forget about the red light and start moving towards you. The first couple of days were pretty worrying as you start crossing, then a car is coming at you but the light says you can cross.

We finally worked out, this is how you spot a tourist in NY, they flinch at traffic.

General rules of thumb for crossing the road.

1, Is the Red hand up saying don't walk? If yes walk, if no walk.

2, Is the crossing light up? Walk no matter what.

3, Is the stop hand flashing at you? If Yes, walk.

4, Is the car coming towards you moving fast enough to kill you? If no, then walk. If yes run.

If you hesitate, then you have let on that you are a tourist and will be mocked by all drivers and pedestrians within a 10 block area.

You have been warned.

Observation 2,

Americans speak English. English people speak English. But for some very odd reason, no-one was able to understand us.

From the cab driver that thought we were from Israel, to the endless list of people that struggled with me saying "cheers" (which by the way means thanks in a very friendly way).

Perfect example of not being understood. We went to a Burger King

Craigy: I'd like the large Angus burger meal please.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: The Angus burger meal, large please.
Dopey cashier: *looks at the menu board.* *looks back at me* Which number do you want?
Craigy: Err.....that'll be number 5......large.
Dopey Cashier: What size, large?
Craigy: Yeah go on then.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: Yes yes YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD A F&*$ING LARGE

That last line might not have happened but you get the idea.

And any time I used the word "Cheers" I got looked at like I just dug up their Grandmother and spat on her. Its a simple word. I use it all the damn time. So America you had better start catching up with me.

Another conversation I had.

Phone in the hotel room rings.

Craigy: Hello?
Diane From The Front Desk: Hello this is Diane from the front desk how are you?
Craigy: I'm fine thanks, and yourself?
DFTFD:..........................Hi........this is Diane from the front desk?

What the hell did she think I said to her? All very odd.

You speak English, so do I........so why don't you understand me?

Observation 3

New Yorkers.

They all have iPods. They use them all the time.

When it was raining we put our hoods up and could no longer hear each other.

New Yorkers can have both ear phones in and still be able to talk and listen to anyone and everyone. Its mental.

Any New Yorker on his/her own for more than 5 minutes will call someone on their "cellular phone". Some of them will use a bluetooth head set, which makes it impossible to tell the crazy people from people on their phone, but there you go.

All crazy people will just talk to everyone.........EVERYONE! all the time.

New Yorkers are very, incredibly, stupidly, friendly.

Observation 4

When in UK and you get hungry you have to go into a pub, a restaurant, fast food place etc etc. But at night when all these places are closed you have the kebab vans turn up.

Oddly enough, in NY you have "meat carts" out during the day, but then go away at night.

In the UK you should just plain avoid kebab vans at all costs as you will most likely die after a few bites.

NY, I only had a Hot Dog, it was lovely beyond belief. All the other food smelled brilliant and make me hungry........ier just being near them.

There are lots of restaurants about but they are expensive and crappy, so just fill up on spicy meat and eat your food as you walk around.

Observation 5

As the col has pointed out:

Col. Orange said...

We're thinking of introducing Pubs to Manhattan.

We'll have to hand-rear them at first, then teach them how to hunt, survive in the wild, how to use the loony traffic light system to their advantage - but eventually, I could see them thriving.

Especially if they turn carnivorous and eat all the Restaurants.

You have Bar/restaurants, and bar/grills but where the hell where the bars?

I mean if you just wanted to sit and have a few beers you could go into a restaurant, but it was bloody expensive. £5 for a Bud? And it wasn't even a pint.

Really don't get me started on TGI Fridays.

I just wanted a normal bar.......a pub even that I could sit in and chill out. Have some beers play some pool and generally make merriment.

Observation 6

Everything is f*%£ing HUGE!

Observation 7

People will honk their car horns for any reason at all.

"There's a cloud *honk*, I'm in a car *honk*, I have a nose *honk*, I like salsa *honk*"

It must be a way of communicating with other drivers which I don't understand.

Observation 8

People in Brooklyn really do say "fuhgeddabowdid"

Observation 9

Its really funny when you hear that.

Observation 10

People really do cheer and shout when they go to the cinema. Its crazy, and kinda annoying. Not everyone does it, but still..........why do it?

That'll do for now kids.

But stay tuned as I will return with more Tales.......From.......New YORK!

Want some pictures? Well I will get round to putting them all up on the net eventually, but till then.......

Here you go,

Trench at The Big Apple.......Get it?

The Col.......and his crazy sleep deprived eyes!

A tall glass of Bud, is that not what everyone wants when they go to another country?

Really I'm asking you.

I Have Arrived

2007-03-21T17:57:00.000Z

Hello you, from New York.

Well I lasted one single day before needing to get on the web.

Currently say in a Burger King on the net, from where I am I can actually see the Empire State building. FROM WHERE I AM!

How mental is that?

I have nothing more to add, I'll post again if poss.

Have fun folks, cause I'm having a ball!

I'm going out now.........

2007-03-09T22:32:00.000Z

In just over a week I will be jetting off and will be getting drunk in new surroundings.

The Thursday Night Club is going on a world tour........well we are shipping out to New York. This destination has been the basis for many comedy e-mail subjects let me tell you................but I won't because, well they weren't that good.

Anyway, I have traded in some of my hard earned £'s for $'s. It has been pointed out to me that only American people can say "bucks". I wasn't to sure till I heard someone say "bucks" in their English accent and I have to agree it sounds horrible.

American money is odd. I thought all notes were green, but the tens are orange. Or maybe I have fake money?

The things we will get up to?

Empire States Building

Central Park

Drinking

A Film Museum

Drinking

General Tom Foolery

And Drinking.

Thats my plan anyway. No idea what the others want to do.

Some slight issues with the trip.

I am scared crapless about flying and general small spaces. So the idea of sitting on a plane for 7 odd hours isn't exactly what I would call a good time. Hopefully I will be sat no where near the other lads so they won't see me turn into a big girly mess on the plane.

I have bought a new Henry Rollins spoken word mp3 from iTunes specifically for the plane. Plus I am planning on sleeping a lot of the journey.

The lift to the top of the Empire States Builing doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs either, but you have to do it, cause you are in New York.

I don't wanna be like a sad person from work that went to Egypt and DIDN'T go to the Pyramids.

I will try my damndest to post a blog when I am in New York though. It won't be the first international post, *tips hat to Kel Kel* but it will be a first for me.

There will hopefully be more posts before I leave you and get discovered.

But till then keep it real.

Oh and this is the accent of people I will be surrounded by.

Enjoy.......

The Guiltening

2007-02-23T13:17:00.000Z

I, amongst others, had to do a 360 appraisal for a manager at work. This basically means I clicked boxes that meant poor, good, ok, excellent, whatever, until I was finished. At the end of the sections you had the oppurtunity to add comments. Now I was thinking "Okey Dokey, cause you know the ticking doesn't give much of a clue so I guess you have to kinda explain yourself a little bit."

But then I noticed a little bit of text there. It basically said, "try not to type like you speak". I was thinking that this was to avoid any odd mistakes being made, also who ever did the persons review based on the comments would know who said what etc.

I didn't know that the manager I was doing this for was going to read the bloody comments I made.

Yes she read them and she wasn't very happy about anything that had been said about her.

She first thought that all comments were made by her boss and not by anyone else. I asked how, "Its the way its written.....you can tell" Phew missed that one.......oh wait whats she doing? Crap she is calling him.

He was honest and told her exactly what he put.

Now, she is left with the other comments made about her. They have all been written in the same style/manner and only a few made by her boss.........that leads her to me. She wasn't happy about the comments I made at all, but without directing a single comment at me said how she felt that "someone in this club is after me and wants me to look bad in front of all my bosses".

Right thats only partly true. I mean I didn't wanna make her look bad in front of anyone, I just wanted to show what I thought about her. I was given this oppurtunity as were 5 other people. We pointed out her weakness' and her strenghs, is it our fault that there are more weakness then, well anything. So it wasn't deliberate "make her look bad" it just kinda worked out like that.

What doesn't help matters is that people didn't wanna type comments so they either didn't make any.......or they asked me how to re-word all their stuff so they wouldn't be worked out. Which as you can imagine makes all comments look like they were made by me.

If I cared I would be a good person. But I don't care, this may make me a nasty bastard but again......I don't care.

*grin*

Oh Ricky You're So Fine

2007-02-06T23:54:00.000Z

Comic Relief is coming up soon.

Yes the day we remember David Brent being made redundant by raising money for good causes is back.

Here is a video to remind you how special it is.

Welcome to Lynch-ville

2007-01-27T20:45:00.000Z

Went out drinking with the Col and Trench on Friday. Not my first choice of companions but you gotta deal with what you got.

Anywho, we had plenty to drink, and I walked home.

Now all of this is all above board and nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Until......

I am walking down the road and notice a truck. Just the truck, no trailer. Its kinda parked up. On the opposite side of the road facing me is a car.

They are both just stopped there. As I get closer to the truck it slowly starts to move along. Almost as if its trying to make a get away.

The car on the other side, I notice, has its door open.......there is no-one inside it.

I am very confused. "Has there been an accident? Where is the driver to that car?" These are just some of the questions running through my drunken mind as I come round to the now stationary truck. I look up at the driver, he is on his mobile phone and points to the otherside of the road.

I look over and see a guy sprawled out on the pavement.

Ok, now I am worried, it really looks like there has been an accident.

I go over to the guy.

"Dude you ok?"

He just kinda mumbles and gargles at me. There is vomit next to him and he is writhing about the bloody place.

What am I meant to do? I look up at the trucker and mouth "What the fuck should I do?"

He just waves at me, and points at his phone. Oh alright, then mate you're in charge cause you're on the phone........hang on a second.

This guy is lying here, the car with the door open is a good thirty foot away. So did someone hit him stop the car and leg it? Is there some mad driver running wild in the streets?

Before I can even think for one second a police car comes flying up. Two coppers (proper British me) get out. One walks over to the car the other walks over to me.

Woman Copper: "Whats happened then? Did you see anything?"

Craigy "Err, not at all. I just turned up. I've tried talking to him but got nothing."

The copper then starts trying to talk to the guy, asking him his name, and he just kinda whimpers and moans a lot. This whole time he has his eyes closed.

The trucker comes over quite calmly. "Worked this out yet then?"

Sorry mate but no I haven't. Hang on......is this just a stunt? Is this just some eleborate riddle that I am meant to work out.

The copper politely points out that she hasn't worked it out yet, and carries on trying to get some kind of information from the weirdo on the floor.

She looks up at us, "I can't smell any alcohol on him, I don't think he's drunk."

Then why in Gods name is he 30ft from his car and thrown up?

The other copper comes over.

Woman copper: I can't smell alcohol. I don't think he's drunk.

Bloke copper: No he wouldn't be.

Hold the phone, stop the press. We have a clue. Somthing significant this way comes. We all stand there with baited breath desperate for this next nugget of information.

Bloke copper: There's a syringe in the front seat.

At this point, they all started laughing. No I mean proper laughing, like the end of Police Squad when they have completed the case laugh and freeze. Thats what they did here. I really did expect them to freeze and I would have run away, instead they stopped laughing as quickly and as in time as they started.

Woman copper to me: If you didn't see anything you can go home.

Craigy: Err fair play then.

And off I ran.

I could only think then, that this guy is driving alog and shooting up. He feels a little woozy, pulls over to throw up. but then the drugs kick in and he thinks he's a mango and can't get up or talk to anyone that comes up to him.

Bit that makes me smile the most is imagining his face when he wakes up in prison.

"Whoah dude, thats totally heavy shit.....where am I?.........ah bugger"

Possibly The Worst

2007-01-18T23:41:00.000Z

Today at work it was free bingo.

Yes I work in a bingo hall keep up.

Anyway this means that the biggest scum bags from around the place swarm in to get free books with the chance of some free money.

One such group of scum was drinking alcohol. This is rarely heard of. They normally ask for jugs of water because they can't afford beer and the like.

So anywho, this group was hammered and making loads of noise. I told them twice to shut up, and eventually M told the main woman (who was off her fucking face) that she couldn't drink anymore.

The following is EXACTLY what was said between her and myself. Remember she was hammered.

Hammered Intoxicated Woman (AKA HIM *insert childish giggle*) So you are tellling me I can't drink anymore?

Craigy: Thats right.

HIM: Why?

C: Because you have had enough, and we have a legal obligation to tell you when to stop and stop supplying alcohol to you.

HIM: And you think I'm drunk?

C: I think you've had more than you can handle yes.

HIM: Look into my eyes *points to hammered eyes* I'm not drunk.

C: Seriously you have had to much.

HIM: I swear on my dead sons grave that I'm not drunk.

C: Err......thats nice, but I think you have and please don't swear on anything ever again. Really.

HIM: What you gonna do if I drink from the beer?

C: Tell you to leave.

HIM: What if I take the beer with me?

C: I'm not going to let you.

HIM: *pointing @ a weasel faced arse of a man* thats my partner.

C: Good for you.

HIM: I'm pregnant with his child, and you're not letting me celebrate.

C: Errr......well if you're pregnant then YOU shouldn't be drinking at all, and now on a moral ground I'm telling you no more drinking..........and why not, I'm going to ask you to put out that ciggarette.

I eventually got them to leave, but only by giving them a full refund on the jug of beer that they were all gulping down.

Leaving comment from the mum of the woman I was talking to?

"Its ok, I'm a first aider, I'll look after her if anything happens"

What the hell is that meant to mean?

What? When? Why? Where? Who?

2007-01-09T00:02:00.000Z

Its nothing new, I love Jecka.

She makes me laugh and I find her golden beyond belief.

She has started becoming very aware of the world around her and has been asking questions about whats going on.......but not like a normal 6 yr old. But then you'd expect that from her.

Questions like

"Dad whats a company?"

How the hell do you start with that one?

"Dad, on my barbies yeah, on the box next to her name it has a T and a M. Whats that for?"

The Trade mark? Bloody hell girl leave it alone for a while. Nothing for you to worry about for ages yet.

I was watching some Dr Who with her the other day. The one with the cybermen.

Quick run down for anyone that hasn't seen it.

Everyone has earpods, which are like bluetooth stuff, and with these everyone has all the news, lottery numbers and even a daily joke uploaded right into their head. However, a bad guy uses these to get people to come to his warehouses and get "upgraded" into cybermen. Basically your brain and other organs are removed and put into a robot.

Anyway,

"Daa-ad?"

"Yes Jecka."

"So, if kids had those earpods in......would you have little cybermen walking around?"

"Err, no I don't think so"

"How come?"

"Well when the people go into the warehouse they have their brain pulled out with an ice-cream scoop and put into a cyberman. Can you imagine a little cyberman walking around? You could just put your hand on his head and keep him away, push him over even!"

She couldn't stop laughing at the thought of the lobotomy with an ice-cream scoop.

When re-telling the story to her mum she again couldn't stop laughing.

I was asked (when I told this story at work) if I could imagine my life without Jecka.

To be honest, I think if I tried hard enough I could.

I just plain don't want to.

She's to much fun.

"I've got a job for you......"

2007-01-03T23:17:00.001Z

I hate hearing those words. As soon as your boss, mum, other half even if you're friend says those words run away.

"I've got a job for you" can never lead to good things.

My boss turned to me last night and reminded me of a horrible job I had to do ages ago. Without going into the boring details it makes no sense, so try to keep up and keep awake.

I had to go through an entire day and fill out an excel sheet showing what types of games were played at what time, what the average amiunt of players for these games were in each time frame and how much money we made. I could group together about 3-4 blocks (a block is a pound, so whatever game mix we play it'll add up to a pound ie, 2 X 40p + 1 X 20p or 60p + 40p thats a block, the more you know) So I had to do that for an entire day. It took me about 4 hours. Still with us? good

My boss reminds me of this and I tell him how crap it was.....

"So you wouldn't be to happy about doing it again then?"

Not really

"So you'd be really annoyed if you had to do the whole week?"

Ah crap. When do you need it done by?

"Tomorrow"

No considering that it took me 4 hours to do one day I wasn't best pleased that I had one day to get an entire week done. I got to work this morning at about 9:00. I did one hours work on it, then had to do a collection (not gonna go into that one don't worry) that took about 2 hours then I went straight back to the computer and carried on working on this sheet.

So I guess the main question is.

How long did all this messng about take?

Well, I'll tell you. 8 hours. 8 bloody hours straight, I had no break no lunch break I stopped once to go to the toilet and to get a coffee. It was horrible.

The main thing that annoyed me was I had to fill in one section dubbed "average players" and then by the magic that is excel some figures would appear in the column next to it. Oddly though this column was "Sum of Average players" I moved the mouse over both and the one I wrote in said, "Equals average players" the other one said "Equals the sum of THE average players". So I would type in one and a completely different figure would appear next to it for no bloody reason at all. This confused and angered me.

Also I get told off for having a very messy desk.

"A cluttered desk means a cluttered mind" My manager will say.

My desk is like my mind, lots going on all at once, and I kinda know where things are.......as long as I've not been drinking more than usual.

Anyway behold pictures of my desk at the end of my 8 hour regn on the computer.

thats my desk, yesterdays bap. Tool box and lots of paper that I needed to fill out a f&^*ing excel spreadsheet.

The computer I worked at, see I even managed to get my mess to spread to this!

The two combined.

I was so tired when I got home, all I wanted was a 1950's wife waiting for me with a Martini.

Gotta have something to get me through the day.

Did I Tell You?

2006-12-29T00:48:00.000Z

I have a new site. Well its a myspace, but still its new for me.

Well if you like all the things that are great about idontlikeithere then feel free to visit The Party With The Pants or you can always click the link on the side to the right just there.

I will be posting different stuff on each site, just to keep you on your toes.

I don't feel so good

2006-12-22T21:42:00.000Z

Last night was the work Xmas bash.

Fun was had by.........most. I had a ball.

We started the night with a game of name that tune, if you got it right then you got nominate someone to drink shots. Now I gave up drinking shots a long time ago, so long ago that I forgot why I stopped so I started again. I had a fair amount of drinks.

The thing with shots ya see, is they creep up on you and attack. You can drink three and not feel anything for ages, but then all of a sudden they gang up on you and all hit you at once. So when I say I had a fair amount I had about 10ish. They all got me at once.

Needless to say I was hammered and not in a very good state at all. I don't remember the night at all. I woke up this morning on a co-workers sofa

Main thing from last night, I was sick. A lot apparently. Also I was sick everywhere. The toilet, the table I was pretty bad to be honest. Thats not really like me but there you go. Yes folks I pulled an Eryn. From a few talks with people I have found out that I demanded to go outside where I lay on the floor because "I wanted to sleep". I think on some level I was trying to acheive the Holy Eyrn. I am glad to say that I didn't make that.

Normally when you are poorly you always ask for your mum. Well I was in a badway and so kept asking for the one person that knows more about drunkeness than anyone else. I kept asking for the Col. It was very frustrating asking people for my friend when none of them know him or how to get in contact with him. BTW its really simple, just drop a vodka bottle on the floor and that guy that comes running up and punches you in the face is the Col.

All in all it was a good night, I was sick but don't remember it so as far as I'm concerned it didn't really happen.

Plus the night helped me remember why I don't do shots, they make you throw up and make you feel like crap all the next day.

Ya live, ya learn.

I'm Sorry, What Did You Buy?

2006-12-11T23:39:00.000Z

My mum and dad love to buy random crap. They are the type of people that will buy any gadget going cause "It will make their life easier".

Yes they are the type of people that bought a bread maker when they first came out. 1st question is obvious, did they ever make bread before buying this machine? Answer, No. After the first couple of months of having this new toy did they stop making bread and now is the bread maker just gathering dust in the kitchen? The answer is yes.

I remember some years ago my mum and dad went to a craft fair. Those of you not in the know about such affairs won't thank me for pointing out that its where women go to buy things to make other things. It is in places like this that you can purchase such things as coloured card, crimpling scissors, cross stitch patterns and so on. My mum is in to this sort of "Make it yourself cause its cheaper and more personnal" where in reality it should be "Make it yourself, it'll take more time and cost more, what with all the materials and what not plus all the tools for crimpling, and to be fair the only personnal thing about it will be the amount of blood you have dripped onto the f^&4ing card from all the bloody papercuts...........but its the thought that counts".

Anyway, my mum and dad return from the craft fair I ask them what they have bought.

Mum: A new car.

Craigy: *Puzzled* Sorry, you got that from the craft fair?

Mum: No on the way I saw it and thought it was good so I got it.

Craigy: *puts himself in the exact same position, If I was to see a car and think I must have it what kind of car would it be.......a nice flash one* What car did you get?

Mum: A Volvo.

Craigy: So you got a wardrobe on wheels, great.

This story just amuses me, but we are getting to my point. My mum and dad buy crap. Crap that they will never use.

So this morning my new credit card arrived and the tiny sticker on the front tells me to sign the back. I walk around the house trying to find a pen, and low and behold I can't find one.

But then, I happen across.........a quill.

Its a massive purple quill. Its in my kitchen right now.

I thought about looking for some ink, or even still looking for a pen, breaking it and using the ink for the quill just so when I go to the shop to use my card and they can't see my signature I can seem clever and sophisticated

"Has the ink rubbed off again? Sorry but I could only find goose ink to use with my quill today"

Of course all of the sophistcation goes right out of the window when I m stood there in my Tool t-shirt.

Perhaps if I wore a monocle..........and a top hat?

BRING IT ON!

2006-12-06T09:11:00.000Z

There isn't a big enough hand in the world, to do a big enough rock hand for this.

I can't wait.

I always held off getting the boxset cause I knew they would make another one.

Before You Die II

2006-12-02T23:45:00.000Z

This has been really hard. I find doing Top Ten's one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life ever.

It doesn't matter what its a list about you WILL get to number 8 and you WILL have 4 things that HAVE to be in the list. Nothing else can be dropped, you have to work out 2 from the 4, and you have got to work out what goes in and what does not.

I will admit right now that on one of these I have broken a Top Ten Album rule.

But I don't care, I followed all the rest...........and this was really hard.

Portishead, Dummy

Very creepy, chill out music. I will refrain from naming this "stoner music", but thats what it is. Its really good. The reason that Dummy makes it in and the first album "Portishead" isn't here is simple, on the first album (which is golden) there are a few stand out tracks that are brilliant. Whereas Dummy has at least 8-10 tracks (on a 10 track album) which could easily be the best song on the album. You just plain can't decide. The album got a real bad press when it came out, that it sounded "just like the first album". Yes it does. But thats Portisheads sound, its what they do and no-one else can match it.

Ray Lamontagne, Trouble

I went to see Garden State. It cheered me up. Its a great film by a great diretor/writer/actor Zach Braff. I was looking through his blog and every now and then it would have "Track of the week", one week it was Trouble. So I got my hands on this track and listened to it, then listened to it again. I listened to the song 3 times before I just ordered the CD. It turned up and I always listen to it. Honestly there isn't a week goes by where there isn't a Ray track (at least) on the ol' pod. Another story is, I was drunk and thought that my friends may also enjoy this album. So I bought them each a copy of it. But that one makes me out to be a generous drunk. And I don't like that kind of thing. Its not really my normal type of music, but it is brilliant.

OST, I Am Sam

Yes this is the rule breaker. A sound track in a list of best albums. Well, its kinda not a soundtrack cause they are all Beatles songs, but then it really breaks rules by being a over album. I was walking round HMV (CD/DVD store) and was listening to the music they were playing while looking for something to get to watch that night. "Holy crip, thats Eddie Vedder, but this is no song I know", so I went to the counter and they told me that they were playing the I Am Sam soundtrack. I walked out of there with the soundtrack and the DVD. Love the film adore the music. Its one of those wierd albums that you can use for anything. Singing along, chilling out to, unwinding, cheering up, getting sad to or just plain background noise. Its just great.

Muse, Absolution

I am a big fan of Muse. I love the varience you get on each album, plus Piano Riffs! *does metal hand thing* yes they rock. I have chosen the third album to go into the List. So, the first album is really good, but is kind of a diamond in the rough. Its everything that Muse do but its kinda not complete. Its like they put down all the songs that defined them as a band at that time. "We are Muse, and we go from plain rocking out, to chilling out, to rocking out with piano's", but because they were just some small band from Cornwall, not much time was put into it. Don't get me wrong its great and really enjoyable, but the production of the album could have been better. The 2nd album (Oigin o Symmetry) is great, its mainly rock and kicks ass. Absolution saw Muse go back to mixing things up and showing the complete range of their music talent that made them stand out from all the Nu-Metal shite that was going around. The variance o music styles will keep you on your toes if nothing else.

Weezer, The Blue Album.

The first three albums from Weezer will just plain knock you off your seat. The Green Album is the most up-beat album and would even cheer up Radiohead, and thats saying something. Tha album always reminds me of summer. Pinkerton doesn't remind me of anything its simpley really good. But out of the 3 its the Blue Album thats the best. I recently went to the Col's house, where we ended up getting drunk *odd that* and singing/shouting along to this album. Nothing to do wih this list. Well its kind of why it got here, its a great album, and i'm not he only one that thinks so. This album is guaranteed to rock your socks of with in 15 seconds of preesing play.

Done, also in case anyone is interested, albums that didn't make it:-

David Bowie, Best Of

Nine Inch Nails, Downward Spiral or maybe The Fragile

Incubus, Make Yourself

Glassjaw, Worship and Tribute

At The Drive In, Relationship Of Command

Ben Harper, *couldn't choose*

Faith No More, Angel Dust

Jon Brion, J'adore Huckabees (OST)

The Pixies, Surfer Rosa & Come On Pilgrim

Massive Attack, Mezzanine

Not easy. Bit I am happy with the 10 I have chosen, and hopefully its made you think about getting one of them, all really good and well worth your time.

I wish you luck in your new music quest.

Hey Everybody! Come And See How Great I Am

2006-11-27T00:59:00.000Z

The last work party was aces. Had a really good time, got very drunk and did Kareoke, mainly David Bowie tracks and Starship.

The party entertainment was provided by a work person who does that sort of D J-ing. He was paid and did a set.

He got a bit drunk.

Then he got wasted.

Then he passed out.

I waited with baited breath for any version on an Eryn that I could get, but alas no luck.

So we took over and we played what the hell we wanted.

Now this aside for one second, the perfect night out, consists of the right people and the right amount of drink. To much drink means something stupid will happen, sometimes good sometimes not.

The wrong people and you will not have fun.

The place, the music, the cost are not really issues. These are things that will not affect how much fun you will have.

There is another staff party coming up, and the votes are in, looks like we are gonna be having it at work again.

We were talking about it and the guy that did the DJ-ing/passing out/letting us run amok with his gear turned around and said

"Well, its my fault that everyone wants the party here. I did such a good job last time. I'll have to do a bad job this time so that everyone wants to go else where"

Oooooooooohhhhhh, check you out. You're just so good at passing out and getting other people to do what you have been paid for. If every DJ did that then every club would be cool.

He played shit music, and in proper Kareoke style kept talking over all the music so you couldn't work out what the crap he was playing, and talking with the mic some where near the back of his throat so you couldn't work out what he was saying.

Seriously the only good thing he did was passing out and letting us go crazy on his expensive equipment whilst drunk! Hence loads of David Bowie.

So here's to another great party, plenty of drink and some good friends.

Shit music and an unconcious DJ, but its not like that matters to anyone really.

Before You Die

2006-11-26T00:20:00.000Z

I need to pass on some knowledge to you good people. Things you need to know about and to have experienced before you die.

Yes, its time for Craigy's Top Ten Albums you need to hear before you die.

I'm not really one for top tens and the like, but I have noticed that some people don't know some really good bands. On this note everyone should go to Pandora and make your own channel, see what you get. You may be pleased with what you get, I always am.

Anyway, top tens are always bad news. How do you look at it? Is it going to be desert island top ten, the only ten albums you can listen to for the rest of your life? Perhaps your favourite albums? Or the completly different best albums? Or maybe you go with the best albums that you own that you actually think other people will like?

I have no idea where my top ten falls into. Really can't decide. These are brilliant, brilliant albums. I think I am leaning more to the "I own these albums and everyone should give them a go, cause they are golden."

In no particular order:-

Pearl Jam, Ten.

C'mon you knew that there was gonna be a Pearl Jam album here. Couldn't decide on which to go for so you may as well start at the beginning. Its great from the word go. I remember a long time ago the Col. turning to me and saying that his CD player was broken and the only CD it played was Ten, I think my responce was along the line of "Sorry, I'm not seeing the problem here", and we laughed the merry kind of laugh that friends do in jovial times. This before he consumed an entire bar and threw the player at me cause it wouldn't play the track he wanted to hear............ah good times Johnny good times......

Nirvana, Unplugged In New York.

Yeah this one wasn't easy. If I was gonna say best I would say Inutero. If I was gonna say fav then I would say Unplugged or Inutero. Its hard to call, but if you are a Nirvana virgin then its best to start with Unplugged as they can be a bit destructive, but in a good way. I'm reckoning if you don't know who Nirvana are then you are either dead or have been living on Pluto for the past 20 years. Seriously, one of the most important bands in music ever. Thats a scientific fact.

Fact I tells ya!

Tracy Bonham, The Burdens Of Being Upright

*lights pipe* Gather round and let me tell you a story. Back in the day, which by the way was a Thursday, we didn't have the internet. The only way you found out about new things coming out was by constantly watching TV, or having a cousin in America that told you everything. I constantly watchd MTV. They had mad little show on very late at night that played very odd and independant music. I remember a song about Fish heads. I shit you not. Anyway, with the help of this show I found out about Tracy Bonham, she is a very tasty lady that can sing, play the violin and also play the guitar. She has been described as the female Maynard James Keenan (by some geezer on youtube) I descrbe her as "Kinda like Alanis Morrisette, if Alanis wasn't whiny.........and was actually any good."

Tool, Aenima

Who the hell says that metal music can't be musical? Well who ever you are, listen to this album and you will see that you are wrong. I think Tool are a fantastic band, no-one ever tries to copy them cause it would be to obvious. They have such a unique sound. Maynard James Keenan has an amazing voice which would blow you right out of your pants. The thing that may put people off is the fact that most songs on this album are about 6 mins long. But trust me each song is brilliant in its own right. Eulogy alone makes this album an absolute must for anyone even thinking about getting into metal music.

Jack Johnson, In Between Dreams

Genuine feel good music. I like chilling out music as much as the next person (Portishead are amongst my fav albums) but this has an extra quality to it. Where as some people/bands will sit down and methodically work out the best way to exucute a song (and there's nothing wrong with that) it seems as if thats impossible for Jack Johnson. All of his music seems so natural, that to picture him taking time out to actually write songs seems absurd. I swear he just turned up and started playing, and the band started playing along with him and "hey presto" a magic album was born. So good is this album that even the mighty Jecka likes it and sings along.

I'm gonna leave it t these 5 for now, while I have a good long hard think about the next 5.

I just know I am gonna have issues.

I'm doing all of this for you, the good people.

Shhhhhhhh, I'm Hunting Wabbits

2006-11-18T22:14:00.000Z

Jecka is over this weekend, so this of course means an obligatory trip to the cinema.

We went to see Open Season.

Its pretty weak to be honest. But I am always determined to find something out of every film I see that is good.

Well I didn't have to look hard in this. You see, the "main actors" in this CG film are Martin Lawrence and Ashton Kutcher. Now they are both blander than bland in this.

If you are in an animated film then you have to work harder, cause you can only act with your voice, as anyone that listened to the Futurama commantaries will tell you, Al Gore really went for it when recording for episodes.

I was surprised to hear my favourite voice actor in this film, so its not surprising that he was the best thing in the whole damned film.

I am talking of course about Patrick "THEY HIT ME WITH A TRUCK" Warburton.

He is used in just about every other animated film. Why? Cause he has a great voice and can really go crazy and mental.........and well maybe he gets carried away with it but thats what makes him stand out. When everyone else in the film is just reading the words on the page and one person is actually acting it makes them great.

So I did my usual and went to imdb to have a look at his profile. Then I thought why the hell not, I'll have a look at his "official website". Which is a myspace website.

Now is it just me or does that music thats playing not make this guy even better?

Yes it does. And look at all the stuff that he likes as well. The man is a legend.

Also Jecka lost two teeth this week and has another loose, at 6 this is pretty good going. Her teeth are only coming out cause others are growing through.

As always she comes out with some cracking lines.

We were watching Children In Need and she was clapping, she turned to my brother and told him to clap. He said no.

"Clap, *leaning in and pointing a finger right in his face* Come on, you're sad enough...........and you'll die enough."

I am an important person!

2006-11-14T23:48:00.001Z

Today was the normal crappyish day. Lots of work, with extras dropping in left right and centre.

But, there was an evil presence, something looming over head that made me feel ill and a chill.

At 16:00 today I had an interview to become an NGS. Now that sounds (hopefully) better than it actually is.

I mean loads of people have all these letters that mean job titles just to make them sound better. But I am betting that their job is just as crap and un-fulfilling as the rest, for example I'm sure M.D (what ever that means) is a pretty crappy job.

NGS means Non Gaming Supervisor. Which means I can lock up and open up my work without a manager there.

I was 100% confident going into this that I knew all of the answars. Ready to go, bring it on!!!!!

Got to the interview and made an arse out of myself. Forgot everything and struggled my way through.

Kinda like every exam I have ever taken in my life. Thats where I got my lovely grey patch from, gotta love the pressure from teachers and the good ol' G.C.S.E'S

Manager: So what information is displayed on such and such

Craig: Err........*looking up* This this.........this and this?

Manager: You're making this up aren't you.

Craig: 100%.

Yes that conversation actually happened.

But low and behold, I actually passed.

So now I am Craigy_Boy TL NGS

Slowly and surely getting somewhere. Only problem really is the fact that all of the stuff I have mean NOTHING outside of my company.

Mind you, guess the same goes for all those M.D's.

Banzai!!!!!

2006-11-02T23:44:00.000Z

Hello folks,

I am currently on holiday from work, yet went in today.

Why? Well this is our charity week and tonight was my attempt at raising money.

It was a simple idea. Basically myself and Dave (Bighead) were to dress up in inflatable Sumo suits and wrestle on the full houses of the main session book.

Sounds like a barrel of laughs. Plus Dave and I are good friends so it would be fun and not that competitive really. Plus I mean they are inflatable suits so we can't really get hurt or anything.

Well that was the plan........*toilet flushes* Oh dear that idea seems to have gone down the toilet.

Well here are some pictures to get you all going.

Now you look at that first picture and think "My looks like they are going to have good family fun"

But you would be wrong.

It was a best of 5 fights.

Fight one.

The plan was.............well there was no ruddy plan. We decided that we would just go for it and see what happened.

Well, the countdown came and went the next thing I know Dave is running at me like a mad man, really he was drooling and kinda wonky-eyed. I didn't know what the hell to do but thought "I am wearing inflatable armour that'll save me" BIG MISTAKE. He crashed into me and my suit deflated instantly. I tried to fight back, but learned a quick lesson.

You can't fight back much when someone running at you hits you in the neck with their shoulder and sends you crashing to the floor.

Its not a lesson I thought I was going to learn today, but I learned it, and learned it quickly and with difficult breathing.

Round one to Dave.

Fight 2

We were on the stage, now the manager had decided that we had best take down all the railings so that people could see what was happening. I said this was a bad idea as we could fall off and hurt ourselves or maybe even catch a case of death. All in all not a good idea. This wasn't heard and down the railings came.

The second fight was over almost as quickly as the first. Dave once again came flying at me, I thought "he is running fast I will move to the side and he will fall out of the ring declaring me the victor" Sadly Dave isn't blind. He saw this and got me, I was fighting back pretty well. He was trying to push me out of the ring, nothing out of the normal really, we both realised how close I was to where the railing should be and we both kinda stopped. I say kinda cause Dave stopped pushing me across and started pushing me down. I wasn't ready for this.

Round two Dave.

Fight 3

Right I was ready for him now. Git. I was gonna take him down. He beat me by flooring me the first time and pushing me down the second, not this time.

The countdown came and I gave as good as I got. I got pushed ALMOST to the floor but was able to fight my way back up. Only problem was that as soon as I was about to stand up and get my balance back, Dave was there slamming me back down. I think I got ALMOST up about twice before I just plain couldn't stand anymore and Dave shoved me to the floor again.

Round Three Dave

Fight 4

Right this is for pride. I have to win one of these God damn fights, this is just pathetic. I mean what kind of idiot can't even beat someone his own weight and height in an inflatable suit what was that noise? Oh crap we're back at it.

Yeah he came out of now where and was grabbing at me, I actually got a hold of him this time and could hear cheering as I tried my damndest to throw him out of the ring. I got a grip of him and went to chuck him.....................but he just pushed me to the floor. Me still holding his suit. Which ripped.

Round four Dave.

I gave up after that. There is no point flogging a dead horse. And I was knackered.

So Dave won fair and square. But it was fun. In a way.

Well in the only way getting your ass kicked in an inflatable sumo suit can be fun.........yep with alcholic, gambling addicted scumbags cheering you on cause they want to win a hoover AND a chocolate fountain.

We raised over £200 for Breast Cancer.

Quote of the night.

Dave: "Craig, we are doing this for Breasts"

Yes we are,

*Long pause*

Yes we are.

UPDATE

This is the first fight.

SO Money

2006-10-29T00:09:00.000+01:00

I swear to God if this doesn't make you wet yourself laughing there is something wrong with you.

Its just that simple.

And Relax.........

2006-10-27T23:57:00.000+01:00

I did it!

I worked 27 consecutive shifts.

So whats next, I hear you ask. Well I have one night off then I have another 2 full days to do and that will be the end of my 16days/160hours.

I have been keeping up with my tally charts.

14days worked.

29 Teas

80 Coffeess

20 Red Bulls

137 hours worked!

I should be able to put in about 10 hours a day over the next 2 days which will take me up to 157 hours, just shy of my original mark, but not bad going really.

After this is all done I will have two weeks (t-twoooooo weeeeekkks) off work. But I have to go in for two of those. One is a meeting with a National Manager, and the other is blogging material. Such good material it is that I am going to class it higher than aces and knock it up a notch and proclaim it *BAM* GOLDEN!

But more on that later.

Would also like to point out to anyone thats interested this is happening. Bloody thing won't let me copy the proper link. But look the Sci-Fi weekend is back. Bobba Fet AND the little dude from Willow what more can you ask for. Needless to say I am going and jecka is coming with.

I hope to see you there!

I should have gotten enough sleep by then so will be ready to wear myself out by running around like an idiot!

There's a gringo In The Bingo

2006-10-26T23:57:00.000+01:00

As some of you are aware I read at least 2 books to Jekca every night she stays over. These are always Dr Seuess books as she loves them.

One of them is called "There's a wocket in my pocket" It's a very short story about a boy that lives in ahouse with some very unusual characters.

For example we are expected to belive that there is a "Findow" in his window, and a "bofa" on his sofa. You get the idea. The book ends with the lines "I don't care if you belive it, thats the kind of house I live in, and I hope we never leave it"

Well my place of work is exactly the same. Its host to many different types of people (customers and staff alike) and wether you belive it or not they exist. Only difference is I hope to one day move on and escape this mad house, although I have this horrible feeling that all Bingo places are the ruddy same.

We were all stood around today and mocking a customer that sits right at the back of the hall. He sits there cause he is always coughing. Nothing out of the ordinary there, the guy coughs so what? Well he is constantly smoking which can't be helping. Plus to ease his coughing he drinks about 12 pints of premium beer.

Ok I know what you are thinking, "an alcoholic chain smoker that coughs AND plays bingo? Surely not!"

But thats not all! And yes, please don't call me Shirley.

You see this man.....................has a blue face. He is so fat, that I belive, he is cutting off all flow of blood to his head AND blocking his throat, thats why he coughs so pigging much. Now you must agree a fat man with a blue face thats not a member of the Blue Man Group is something out of the ordinary.

But then this is the conversation that took place

Craigy: I hate that guy, he is clearly un-healthy yet continues to smoke non-stop and drink non-stop. I mean he has a blue face, thats not normal. When he holds his cig to his face his hand is a different colour, thats just plain wrong.

M: I call him Choker, just cause he is always coughing like a git, never pauses apart from to down his beer in three gulps. Thats what scares me, drinking that bloody quick.

Craigy: Thats what scares you? Not the blue face that he has?

M: Well that as well.

*chuckle from all around*

*Another member of staff walks around*

AMOS (AKA S): What are we laughing at?

Craigy: The guy with the blue face.

S: Oh alright, do these trays need doing still?

No thought, no worry, just accepted that there is a guy with a blue face and carried on with the job in hand.

One day I will catalouge all the weirdos that work and are customers in my place and have them all for display!

I don't care if you belive it, thats the shit hole I work in, and I hope to leave it.........very soon!

All Work And No Play......

2006-10-23T23:47:00.000+01:00

I am still alive!

*Carefully listens for collective cheer*

World: Sorry did you say something?

Well, its now day 10. I am getting more tired as the days pass. You know when you wake up sometimes and you forget what day it is? Well thats happening all the bloody time now. Sometimes half way through a day I will still be wondering.

Scores on the doors:

10 days.

101 Hours worked.

13 Red Bulls

21 Teas. I am currently working on my 21st.

54 Coffees.

I have noticed now that no matter how much I drink its no longer working. I think I am actually building up an amunity to caffeine. Which is really not good.

When I am at work I'm ok, not that tired and just get on with everything. Its the trip to work and back home that I am most tired. I'm not finishing this week before 11:00pm, so that means I get a taxi home paid for. Which is nice. But past experience has taught me that if you fall asleep in a taxi they can get a "bit irrate" to say the least.

But oh well.

I have made a few purchases from iTunes as well to make the trips seem less tedious.

Yourcodenameis:milo, I got both their albums. Click here for the song that made me go "My golly, they are a bit good, I'll get their album"

And also got,

A Piano Tribute to Pearl Jam. No lyrics just pianos playing Pearl Jam songs. Its good on the "Thats something a bit different" scale. This morning I played What peral Jam Song Is This Meant To Be? game.

but thats enough from me, I am going to fall in to a coma for about 6 hours before I have to do another 11 hours at work.

Just in case anyone is wondering how haggered I look I took a picture, its modelled on our friend Eryn.

Have fun folks!

Day Six

2006-10-19T23:57:00.000+01:00

Hello!

Just in case you all thought I had died I thought I had best post and give you all an update.

I must point out that I can't give you an amount of sleep that I have been getting as I have no idea when I fall asleep. That would require me to wake up and look at the clock, which would put it back some, then when drifting off again I would need to look at the clock and wake myself up again etc etc etc.

Plus I haven't been sleeping to well recently.

But I can tell you, that in six days

I have drank 13 Teas

26 Coffees

and 6 Redbulls.

not more than normal at present. Which is quite good. I expect my caffeine counter to rocket up over the next few days. I am really starting to feel tired beyond belief.

I have, after all, worked *drum roll* 61 hours over 6 days.

Thats 12 hours over the legal limit and I still have 2 days to go for the week.

12 consecutive shifts under my belt and only 15 to go!

I have spoken to Dave. He holds the most consecutive shifts worked record, and he has done 21. So I am out to beat the figure.

I am really tired and need to get to sleep.

So I will report back later when hopefully caffiene has kicked in and I am ready to take on the World, but not sleep, oh no never sleep.

Project Masochism

2006-10-12T23:54:00.000+01:00

The scene: A managers office. Pictures of a happy family around the place, awards and such like "manager of the Year" around the place. We have 2 managers sat at a desk.

Manager 1: So the week starting the 22nd of this month we have how many people on holiday?

Manager 2: We have 8 people off on holiday.

1: ok then, are they part time or full time workers?

2: Oh, they are all full time workers.

1: Bugger, are they at least on different departments?

2: Nope they are all from the same department.

1: Right, so who gave them all holiday?

2: Me.

1: Right, we need to cover our backs here, we need lots of people to do some over time and cover all of these shifts.

2: Or.......

1: I'm listening.

2: We just need to trick and guilt one person into doing loads of hours in one week!

1: Thats brilliant! Who is the only person we haven't given time off to?

2: That'd be Craigy.

1: Well send him in!

Yes folks I have to work an incredible amount of overtime over the next 16 days. I have been asked to work 15, but am going to do an extra day as part of a challenge I have set myself.

I have worked out that I will do about 160.25 hours over 16 days. All consecutive!!!!!

European working directive states that no-one should work over 49 hours in one week. I am going to piss all over that and near enough double it each week.

This all starts on Saturday at 11:00. After that I am working 16 days straight without one day off.

I will be keeping tracks of how many hours sleep I get, how much time I am working for and how many caffeine drinks I will have (Tea, coffee and red bull) for the whole duration.

If I don't post or keep in contact with anyone one of a few things has happened:

1, I'm dead
2, I am asleep and the counter is running.
3, I'm dead
4, I have given up on sleep and am polishing the carpet.........at work.

In any event I will be posting updates and let you all know how much caffeine is on me and how many hours I have worked.

Wish me luck!

I Don't Like It Here

Quotes For The Box

Quotes For The Box

I Think I'm Funnier Than I Am.

Quotes For The Box

Quotes For The Box

Well, The Kaiser Chiefs Did Predict It

Wrong Words

Quotes For The Box

Quotes For The Box

I am Legend

Quotes For The Box

Letters From The Craig

Comments for the box

Rough with the smooth

Quotes For The Box

Lay-Z

Half Way Mark

Look, it's a link!

Which one? Pick one! This one? Classic

Pros and Cons

Let me file that under "Eeeewwwww!"

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my biii-ike

Memories......

Good Causes

Look......we need to talk

TAXI!

Best Overheard Conversation Of The Week

Corner Of Wrong

Internet Jesus

Gym, please fix me.....

My Lucky Charm

Well That Sucks

And Being Delivered To My Door This Week.....

...And Relax

Shopped and Dropped

Elvis Has Left The Building

Sprinting With Scissors

Xmas and New Years Post

You Have Made The Naughty List

The Man Is Golden

Sir? Please Stop Drooling

Over there.....past them trees

Ramblings

Customer Service Announcment

This Month I've Mostly Been Reading....

So very full.........

Happy Halloween

What A Pro

Working Hard

Tell Me All

That's That Then

Feeling Blue

The Iron Giant

Making The Mundane........Neat

Lets Get Xtreme

Well That Put A Smile On My Face

Come On In

Must......not....kill........self!

Michael Bay, how I hate thee let me count the ways

I Come From De Udder Side.....

Hello, From The Abyss

I'm going out now......

Impressive Youtube-ation

The Problems With Abbreviations

Its Ok I'm Right Here

The More You Know

He Said Do What With The Who Now?

Tasty Circuit Boards

Start With Two Balls

*insert correct word here*

Arrrrrrrrrr Me Hearty's Spoilers Ahead

Don't Do That

Who Let You Out?

Kids REALLY Do Say The Darndest Things

Right Here Right Now

Observations From NY

I Have Arrived

I'm going out now.........

The Guiltening

insert correct word here